Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer

Starring Emmy Award winning Letterman writer, Ted Greenberg!

     
Taxi Tip Thursday: How To Hail a NYC Cab During the Holidays

Categories: Taxi Cabs
Posted: December 15, 2011
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TAXI TIP: HOLIDAY HAILING

 
New York City cabs in winter

 
In my spare time as Ted Greenberg, Off-Broadway comedy superstar, I drive a New York City cab.  When holiday cab hailing poses a challenge, follow these tips and you’ll be on your way to the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree or your favorite destination in a New York minute.

 
TAKE IT TO THE TARGET. While hailing with one hand and waving a $100 bill with the other, run into traffic shouting “I’m an enormous tipper.”

 
TEAM WORK. One of your group hails. The other diverts other hailers– i.e, puts on a Santa costume and invites the other hailers to join in Christmas caroling. No friends to help out?  Grab a homeless guy for Santa duty.  Or perhaps, my Mascot (seen in the video below) will be available.

 

 

SURPRISE ATTACK FROM THE SKY. Your partner hails.  You take an aerial position on a second floor balcony or awning. At a red light ambush your prey by jumping from above. While splayed across the windshield, yell “Unlock the doors you elusive bastard” while your partner (aka good cop) daintily enters.  To clear the air, apologize in broken English and point to a Michelin guide book.

 
TAXI SURROGATES! If after 24 hours, cab hailing fails – try these back-up plans:
 
New York City pedicab, hot dog vendor and fire truck
 
—  Collapse on the street and ask onlookers to call 911 for an EMERGENCY MEDICAL VEHICLE.

 
—  If after 1 hour above doesn’t work, light yourself on fire and ask onlookers to call 911 for a FIRE TRUCK.

 
—  PEDICABS (aka Flintstone cabs) are loosely regulated and therefore ideal for large groups (they take up to 99 passengers). Essentially HAIL–able buses. Pedicab drivers welcome an aerobic challenge.

 
— OTHER PEDESTRIANS are piggybackable! Target large parents. That Snuggie is your backseat.

 
—  HOT DOG VENDOR CARTS are a movable feast and tailor made for downhill routes.

 
—  BICYCLE MESSENGERS. Just hop on! Best case, a cab hits the bike and you can take that cab.

 
And remember, however you catch that ride, tell the driver one stop will be Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, a mostly one-man comedy show.

 
Any questions, I love’em.

 
Any cab hailing suggestions? Send them along. Favorite suggestion wins 2 free tickets to the show.

 
Check back next week for another Taxi Tip Thursday.



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