Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer

Starring Emmy Award winning Letterman writer, Ted Greenberg!

The Complete Performer’s New York City Entertainment Guide (Birthday Edition)

Categories: Comedy Shows,Latest News
Posted: January 30, 2012

Over 80 people have celebrated their birthdays at my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, because we know how to have fun. New York offers a number of fantastic options to help you ring in your special day. Today, I count down the top five ways to celebrate your birthday in the Big Apple.
Adult birthday cake
5) Late Night View from Empire State Building. The Empire State Building is one of the most iconic skyscrapers in the world, featured in movies such as King Kong and Sleepless in Seattle. Open 365 days a year from 8:00 am until 2:00 am, the landmark offers gorgeous views of New York City, particularly at dusk and on crisp, clear nights near closing time. Go around midnight, and you will beat the crowds. And, there’s nothing like singing ‘Happy Birthday’ 86 stories up in the air.
New York Giants 3D logo
4) Cheer for the Home Team. Whether you’re a Knicks, Jets, Giants!, Mets, Yankees, Rangers, Nets or Liberty fan, grab a group of friends and head to the diamond, court or ice. And, if you’re lucky, your name will appear on the Jumbotron.
3) To Beer or Not to Beer. No matter what borough you live in, there’s a beer joint perfect for your birthday celebration. In Manhattan, the Biergarten at the Standard Hotel is extremely popular for good reason: it’s under the Highline and manages to be a lot of fun. You can also enjoy tastings at Brooklyn Brewery in Williamsburg or the Bohemian Hall Beer Garden, New York’s oldest, in Astoria. Or try Killmeyer Old Bravaria Inn on Staten Island.
2) Foods of New York Tours. Eat your way through some of the most city’s interesting neighborhoods and enjoy tastings from local shops and restaurants as well as local info from some of the savviest tour guides around. Like my show, the food tours are perfect for groups. I’m particularly fond of the The Original Greenwich Village Food and Culture Walking Tour, which features world famous Joe’s Pizza, dessert from Milk and Cookies and more; as well as the Central Village/SoHo Tour with stops at the delectable French bakery Once Upon a Tart and Italian bistro Foccaceria.
Celebrating at Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer
1) Can 80 People Be Wrong? Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer Saturday nights at 10 pm at SoHo Playhouse. In addition to a whip fast comedy hour with a chance to win a free cab ride home or to your next location, the birthday boy or girl will enjoy a drink on the house. Here’s how to make a reservation.

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2012 New York City Comedy Club Awards

Categories: Comedy Shows,Reviews
Posted: January 26, 2012

Every week at my mostly one-man comedy show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, I acknowledge audience contributions in a red carpet awards ceremony.
As a stand-up comic, I’ve played nearly every New York City comedy club. So today I name the winners of The Complete Performer’s 2012 New York City Comedy Club Awards. Envelope please.
THE HYGIENE AWARD goes to Gotham Comedy Club. What Donald Trump’s club would run like, whip-crack professionalism and spit-shined bathrooms (something I’ve challenged with preshow jitters).
Gotham Comedy Club logo
THE OLD SCHOOL AWARD goes to Dangerfield’s. Tucked away in the 60s geographically & spiritually, it sweetly summons the heyday of stand-up titan Rodney Dangerfield. Bombing comics get dumped in nearby East River.
Dangerfield's logo



THE WORKOUT ROOM AWARD goes to Grisly Pear. Call ahead on Thursday nights to see New York City’s great up and comers.
The Grisly Pear logo
THE MANHATTAN INC AWARD goes to Caroline’s On Broadway. Brassy like a giant speakeasy, it’s the club that claims a true Broadway ambiance.
Caroline's on Broadway

THE NO NEPOTISM AWARD goes to the Comedy Cellar. Uncompromised by private functions or industry log rollers, it’s the any-day venue par excellence (if not sold out). Louis CK’s home court.
Comedy Cellar
After seeing my show, roll six blocks to the Cellar. That is, if you don’t win the free cab ride home!

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Thank Goodness for Kristin Chenoweth

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 23, 2012

As a rabid New York Giants fan, my heart stopped a few times during yesterday’s game until hero Lawrence Tynes kicked the game-winning field goal. I was proud of Big Blue’s special teams and impressed by both teams’ defense.
The most important thing, though, that I take from the game: gratitude. Performing my Off-Broadway comedy show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, every Saturday night at SoHo Playhouse is a joy. And, I’m thrilled that I’m part of a community that birthed dynamic Tony Award-winning and Emmy-winning actress Kristin Chenoweth. The Oklahoma native performed just blocks away from SoHo Playhouse in the longest running musical, The Fantasticks, at the now defunct Sullivan Street Playhouse. Yesterday, her operatic vocals packed a punch, even drowning out the San Francisco Forty-Niners fans’ boos of my beloved Giants as she beautifully sang the National Anthem.

I don’t possess Ms. Chenoweth’s powerful pipes, but that’s what makes New York the best city on earth: the diversity of performers on Off-Broadway, Broadway and beyond. When you’re in the market for a 10:00 pm Saturday night comedy show, check out my show and meet me and my Mascot.

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I Predict the Giants Do It Again

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 20, 2012

New York Giant score prediction:
Giants 24, Niners + Referees 20.

The zebras couldn’t take victory away from us in Green Bay and they won’t in San Francisco.

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Categories: Taxi Cabs
Posted: January 19, 2012

As a sometime cab driver and all-the-time Off-Broadway phenom, I kind of know everything about urban transportation. Now that livery cabs can make pickups in Manhattan, yellow taxis will need to be more flexible about services they offer.

Here are 5 ways to use a yellow cab that may not have occurred to you:
#1) MOVING TRUCK. My meter ran for 5 continuous hours moving a family from Harlem to Brooklyn. We did 3 trips in 4 hours. Try to stick to foldable items like rugs, sheets, towels, window treatments,and small children.
#2) TOUR BUS. I’ve often been commandeered for the day to point out sites. Best tour ever? A sampling of New York City’s best hot dogs. The winner? Gray’s Papaya.
#3) GETAWAY CAR. I’m not saying rob banks, but yellows will park and poise for fast retreats from in-laws or clingy house guests.
#4) MOBILE LOVE SHACK. Many summers ago I circled Central Park 5 times to provide my backseat couple a romantic tryst. I got a huge tip. But the better tip came a year later when they hailed me again – this time with the infant they conceived in my cab.
#5 PIMPMOBILE. Or like the Mascot, use a cab to woo the opposite sex – whatever that is!

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Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 17, 2012

As a taxi driver and current Off-Broadway darling, I know a lot about football.
New York Giants beat Packers

The Giants swept aside the Packers in Green Bay on Sunday. They prevailed through grit, cunning, and despite suspect home-field officiating throughout (bad spots, late hits, chronic holding, and a fumble deemed to be a turnover by everyone in the world but 2 high-ranking zebras = refs). The Giants responded to shoddy refereeing with sustained play so strong as to be undeniable.

And it wasn’t just on Sunday. Of late, teams are permitted to appeal unfavorable rulings by means of a challenge flag. Giant head coach Tom Coughlin’s last 8 challenges have been denied. That’s the longest current streak in the league. But the 8-challenge losing streak coincides with a 4-game winning streak against top opponents. That’s an awesome inverse relationship. Close–calls-against-us and wins.

Rather than sulk or finger-point, the Giants persevere. As a lifelong Giants fan I love that. As a New Yorker I’m proud of it. In my personal and professional life I aspire to it. And so does my mascot.

Yes, I have my own mascot (given the choice who wouldn’t?). And my mascot hasn’t missed a performance of Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer in over 3 years and despite much adversity.

Throughout 2010 my mascot performed with a separated shoulder.
Winter in New York City
Every one of my shows ends with a cab ride home for winning audience members. In the 22-inch snow storm of ’09 my mascot was with me in the front seat.

See my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, and you’ll see why my mascot is a New York Giant.

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Five Reasons the Giants Took the Packers Down

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 16, 2012

    The New York Football Giants are on a roll. Last night, they scored a commanding 37 – 20 victory over likely League MVP Aaron Rodgers and the defending Super Bowl champions Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field.
    Mascot Greenberg and Eli Manning's journey
    Here are the top five things I take from their victory:
    1) You’re as good as your quarterback. Eli Manning is playing lights out football. Even his end-of-the-half ‘Hail Mary’ pass to Hakeem Nicks connected. What a phenomenal play.
    2) Defense wins games. Last week, the Giants defensive line did not allow a point. This week, they gave up 20, but sacked Rodgers four times. Four times.
    3) For the second week in a row, my Mascot and I wore Giants t-shirts while performing my show Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer on Saturday night. I believe that our team spirit brings Big Blue luck, and vow to wear these shirts until the Giants win the Super Bowl.
    4) Tom Coughlin knows how to win playoff games on the road. He’s thisclose to tying Tom Landry’s record for most playoff wins on the road. I predict he will tie the legendary Dallas Cowboys coach next week against the San Francisco Niners.
    5) It’s how you finish a season, not how you start it or how you play in the middle. From the Jets win on, the Giants have looked like a different team than just a few games before. They are confident and playing like a Super Bowl-bound team.
    Go Meryl Streep. No one can stop that woman.

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    My Golden Globes Predictions

    Categories: Latest News
    Posted: January 13, 2012
    // COMMENTS (1)

    The Golden Globes ceremony has a lot in common with my weekly Off-Broadway show — Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer. The audience sits around tables, everyone gets a little tipsy and you never know what’s going to happen next. As an Emmy Award winner, I salute the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for one of my favorite Sunday nights of the year.
    Golden Globe Awards

    On January 15th, I will be glued to the television, watching the 2012 Golden Globes, for five reasons:

    Golden Globes nominees and host

    #1) Ricky Gervais.
    No one expected him to be invited back to host the event after his scathing comments last year. Who and what will he make fun of this year? My money is on two-time nominee Ryan Gosling.
    #2) The Ladies of the Best Actress in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy. Normally, Golden Globe winners Kate Winslet and Jodie Foster are better known for their dramatic work, but are nominated this year in Roman Polanski‘s dark comedy Carnage, an adaptation of the hit Broadway play. Michelle Williams is transcendent in anything she’s done post-Dawson’s Creek. Charlize Theron was heartbreakingly funny (alongside the fantastic Patton Oswalt) in Young Adult. And, Kristen Wiig may be my favorite in this category; her performance (and writing of) Bridesmaids was so hilarious I’ve started listening to Wilson Phillips again.
    #3) Alec Baldwin. He is a comedy master. My girlfriend likens his performance as Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock to Rip Torn’s fantastic turn as Arthur in The Larry Sanders Show. She’s right. Watch and learn.
    #4) Enlightened. I have meant to watch this show. Now, that it’s got a Golden Globe nomination for Best Television Series — Comedy or Musical — and a renewal for a second season, I must watch it.
    #5) Rooney Mara. She helped my team, the New York Giants, win against the Atlanta Falcons last weekend. So, I’m rooting for her at the Golden Globes. And the Giants to beat the Green Bay Packers earlier in the day!

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    Traffic and Road Tips from a New York City Cabbie-Comedian

    Categories: Taxi Cabs
    Posted: January 12, 2012
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    Queensboro Bridge
    Many years ago I ran out of gas on the Queensboro Bridge. I was stuck mid-bridge over the East River for four hours and was cited by 1010 WINS radio in its traffic report. While I was listening, I looked overhead and saw the news helicopter.
    Here are some time-tested tips to avoid roadside despair and get you back in the fast lane.
    #1) Gas up and outside Manhattan if you can (cheaper!). If you need gas in town, my choice is Chelsea Mobil on 14th street and 10th Avenue. It’s a large facility with plenty of pumps.
    #2) Avoid highways except for really long trips.

    In case of problems, streets offer a turnoff at every block. Highways may box you in for miles.
    NYC Traffic
    #3) Expensive water crossings are usually worth the price. The Brooklyn Battery Tunnel beats the Brooklyn Bridge almost every time.
    #4) Avoid narrow streets in favor of wide ones. Driving a couple of blocks out of your way is a price worth paying to sidestep garbage trucks and moving vans.
    NYC Narrow Street
    #5) Clean your car at Broadway Hand Car Wash in Washington Heights. It’s one of the few full service Manhattan car washes that vacuum your interior.

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    My Favorite Place to Watch Giants Games: Jake’s Saloon

    Categories: Latest News
    Posted: January 9, 2012
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    Congrats to the New York Giants on their compelling victory over the Atlanta Falcons yesterday. As I predicted, Freddie Falcon’s team could not hold a candle to Jason Pierre-Paul and the Giants’ moves.
    Ted Greenberg and his Mascot Greenberg cheer for the Giants
    As a lifelong New Yorker, I always look for the best place to watch a game with friends. A sports bar that’s not quite a ‘sports bar’ in the way that my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, is an improv show for people who don’t like improv, a magic show for people who don’t like magic.
    Jake's Saloon in New York City
    And, I have found that perfect ‘sports bar’ in Jake’s Saloon on West 23rd in Chelsea. The bar boasts a casual, exciting, yet relaxed vibe. It’s not filled with overly aggressive football fans who yell at every mistake and spill their beer at every touchdown. Jake’s Saloon is filled with people like me, who want cheering on the Giants to be a fun, yet chill affair. So, thank you, Jake’s Saloon for being such a good host. And, thank you Giants for making my Sunday.

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