Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer

Starring Emmy Award winning Letterman writer, Ted Greenberg!

     
President Barack Obama’s Top 10 Pinterest Boards

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Posted: March 29, 2012
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President Barack Obama has always been ahead of the social media curve. His campaign mobilized supporters through Facebook in 2008. Now, he’s on Pinterest.
 
Here are the top 10 pinboards I predict President Obama will create in the coming weeks.
 
10. World Leaders I Like. The list is short.
 
David Cameron

 

9. Favorite basketball players. Michael Jordan, LeBron James, Patrick Ewing, Cheryl Miller and Lisa Leslie.

 

8. Birth certificates. Preferably long form. Special interest in Republican candidates and any one wanting to dating my daughters.
 

 

 

7. Favorite Films/TV shows about the Presidency. 24 (Dennis Haysbert was amazing), Air Force One, Independence Day.
 
Movies about Presidents
 

6. Punahou alums. The best and the brightest — Carrie Ann Inaba (Dancing with the Stars), Brandon Brooks (water polo silver medalist & current women’s national water polo coach) and Kevin McCollum (a favorite Broadway producer) — went to Punahou.
 
5. I like guns…on a woman. Have you seen how hot my wife’s arms are? (See also #9)
 
Michelle Obama's arms
 

4. Portuguese Water Dogs. Bo still ranks #1, but the breed is super cute.
 
3. Favorite guys also named Barry. White, Zito and some I don’t. That’s you Ron-Paul-lovin’ Manilow.
 
Barrys
 
2. Top Supreme Court Justice of the Day. Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy I’m looking at you. Help me out on Obamacare.
 
1. The Hunger Games. Finally good news for the economy.
 

The Hunger Games starring Jennifer Lawrence



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Spring Cleaning With David Sedaris

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Posted: March 26, 2012
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Sure, the end of March is technically spring, but in New York, it’s normally another five weeks before the trees blossom, tank tops come out of the closet, and the lines for pedicures are the longest in the city. This year, though, the weather has been warm, a touch humid, and breezy. In other words, kinda perfect. As a cab driver after my Saturday night show — Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer — I am thrilled to put winter in my rear view mirror.
 
But, when it comes to spring cleaning — the ritual of putting your winter clothes, wares and such away; dusting your apartment; and cleaning everything in sight — I must admit I miss David Sedaris. Two decades ago before he was known as one of the world’s best satirists, he cleaned apartments like no one this side of Mr. Clean. Within a short amount of time, he would have every single surface in your place gleaming. As you can see, I desperately need Sedaris given the current state of my apartment.
 
Ted Greenberg's messy apartment
 
But, since I cannot get him, I’ll have to settle for the second best thing. Cleaning my apartment while listening to the audio version of his unforgettable, riotous collection of essays, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim.



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Cabbie-Comedian Predicts Top Five Tim Tebow Headlines

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Posted: March 23, 2012
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The New York Jets made headlines this week by acquiring quarterback Tim Tebow when the team already has Mark Sanchez, who is heading into his fourth season as Gang Green’s starter.

 
Tim Tebow, New York Jet
 
I predict that Tebow will continue to make headlines all season as well. Here are my top 5:

 
1) Tim Tebow has no chance at playing time. By playing time, I mean dating Sports Illustrated swimsuit models like Mark Sanchez.
 
2) Tim Tebow & Jeremy Lin will open a night club called TJs……and fight over who has sold more jerseys.
 
3) Every deli in town will have a Tebow special which will be turkey on the bone.
 
4) Tebow named the back up showrunner for NBC’s Smash, competing with Sanchez on the field and in the love for the American musical.
 
5) Off season reality TV show, The Christian Bachelor, will star Tim Tebow and Jeremy Lin.



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Best SoHo Bars: The Brooklyneer

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Posted: March 22, 2012
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While I’m a huge fan of the bar at Soho Playhouse’s Huron Club, where I perform my mostly one-man comedy show – Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer – every Saturday night, the surrounding neighborhood has many other bars to recommend.
 
One of my favorites is The Brooklyneer, located on West Houston just across the street from Film Forum, which I wrote about as one of my best New Year’s experiences.
 
The Mascot and I recently stopped by The Brooklyneer. As we admired the Brooklyn Bridge mural in the background, we were our usual demure, wallflower selves.
 
Ted Greenberg and Mascot Greenberg at The Brooklyneer
 
 
In no time, we had made a few new friends. Not only is the bar friendly, so are its first rate customers.
 
Ted Greenberg, Mascot Greenberg and friends at The Brooklyneer
 
Go to The Brooklyneer. Order some of its tasty concoctions, and I promise you won’t be disappointed. And you won’t drink alone.



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What I Learned from The Knicks Game

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Posted: March 19, 2012
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My Off-Broadway comedy show — Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer — is billed as a “mostly one-man comedy show.” It’s true on stage, but there are more people involved — stage manager, producer, stage hands, director, technical director — in running the show week in and week out. On Friday March 16, The Complete Performer team went to see the Knicks take on the Indiana Pacers at Madison Square Garden.
 
Here’s what I learned from the game.
 
5. Sometimes a costume change makes all the difference in the world. The Knicks City Dancers came out in uniforms straight out of Austin Powers — block blue and white skirts and go-go boots. On a scale of one to ten, the outfit ranks a solid four. The team’s second outfit — bedazzled blue and orange short shorts onesie — was a winner, a perfect 10. I, too, make a costume change in my weekly comedy show. Like the Knicks City Dancers, I’m glad I save my best costume for last too.
 
New York Knicks City Dancers
 
4. Seeing a show or game with a group is the way to go. The Knicks victory was never in doubt, but for a stretch of the game the team fell in love with its (unsuccessful) three point shot. When Dan, who works on the show, blurted out, “Great. There’s only one kind of shot. Three pointer,” we all cracked up. Other asides, jokes and snarky comments made by various members of The Complete Performer Team made the game an even better experience. We encourage groups (like the one below) to check out my show too; it’s even more fun.
 
Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer
 
3. Carmelo Anthony may not have made the All Star team this season, but he’s top of the list for the All Star compression sock team. Melo sported a compression sock on each of his limbs, and he wasn’t alone. The Knicks could keep a compression sock company in business with its starting five alone.
 
Carmelo Anthony, compression sock wearer
 
2. People really like hot dogs and beer while enjoying entertainment even if the Bud Light is $9.50. The world is practically built around it. While we don’t serve hot dogs at Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer (yet!), we’ve got a bar nearby to amp your late night comedy experience. And the beer is cheaper than $9.50.
 
hot dogs
 
1. You need a good half-time show. While the Knicks took it to the Pacers, winning by 15 points, the half-time show didn’t live up to the excitement of the game. No wonder droves of people went to the bathroom or to grab a pretzel after the show started. I promise you one thing: come to my show, and our halftime show will thrill you.



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Top Four Irish People in Comedy

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Posted: March 15, 2012
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I am a diehard Giants-supporting, Yankees-loving, Knicks-cheering, cab-driving New Yorker, yet when I saw The Toxic Avenger at New World Stages a couple years ago, I wanted, for a New York minute, to be from Jersey. The boisterous musical had me hook, line and stinker. Ok, that’s a terrible pun, but you catch my drift.
 
In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, I’ve thought about the four funny people who make me green with envy that I’m not a little bit Irish.
 
Here are my top four Irish (Irish-American) People in Comedy:
 
1. Colin Quinn is a fantastic comic. Also a native New Yorker, Quinn cut his teeth doing stand-up in the 1980s. Since then, he’s hosted a show on MTV (Remote Control), performed on Saturday Night Live for five seasons and starred in The Long Story Short on Broadway.
 

 
2. Kathleen Madigan is a pro’s pro. She’s hilarious, honest and insightful at the same time. No wonder she’s appeared on The Last Comic Standing, The Late Show with David Letterman, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno and Late Night with Conan O’Brien.
 

 
3. Speaking of Conan O’Brien. Like me,he got his start with The Harvard Lampoon and has won a Primetime Emmy for Writing. Conan has taken performance art — or hosting a talk show — to new comic levels at all three of his late night gigs: Late Night, The Tonight Show and Conan. In this 1998 segment, O’Brien tries to do the impossible: become a teen idol.
 

 
4. Louis C.K. is one of the hottest comics around. Granted Spanish was his first language, but I’ll let his half Irish-American side count today. He’s also won a Primetime Emmy for writing The Chris Rock Show. Now, he’s got his own hit series Louie, and a legion of fans that know I’m right about his unrelenting comic streak. Here, in this NSFW clip, he laments turning 40.
 

 
In celebration of comedy and St. Patrick’s Day, I will perform my mostly one-man comedy show, The Complete Performer, Saturday night at 10:00 pm in downtown Manhattan.



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One Man Comedy Blog Round Up: Top Five Posts

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Posted: March 12, 2012
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Every week at my show Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, there is an Awards Ceremony. I’m bringing the energy and accolades to my blog. For the past three months, I have regularly posted about comedy clubs, taxi tips, sports and Hollywood. Now, I take a look back at my five favorite posts — the MVPs of my One Man Comedy Blog.
 
Ted Greenberg, star of The Complete Performer
 
The winners are:
 
5) How to Hail a Cab during the Holidays. I stick by my sound advice. Nothing beats a Benjamin or a hailing partner.
 
4) Top Five Singles Places in New York. I love singles. Singles love my show. Here are five other places for singles to check out.
 
3) Top Five Comedy Bromances. As part of a top notch comedy bromance — me and Mascot Greenberg — I truly appreciate these winners. And since I’ve posted about him more than once, I’m a serious Paul Rudd fan.
 
2) New York City Entertainment Guide: Birthday Edition. The Big Apple is one of the best cities in the world for many reasons; celebrating your birthday New York-style is one of them.
 
1) 2012 Comedy Club Awards. As a comedian, there’s nothing I appreciate more than a place to get my comedy on.



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Five Things to Do in SoHo This Weekend | March 9 – 11, 2012

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Posted: March 8, 2012
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SoHo is one of New York’s most vibrant neighborhoods, nestled between the West Village and TriBeCa. Filled with former factories that have been turned into fashion stores, restaurants and boutiques, SoHo is a must visit for most tourists and a frequent cultural destination for New Yorkers. It is also home to my Off-Broadway comedy show,Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer.
 
This upcoming weekend, March 9 through 11, 2012, take full advantage of all SoHo has to offer. Here are five can’t miss things to do:
 
5) The Three Seagulls, or MASHAMASHAMASHA at HERE. One of downtown’s premiere theater, HERE presents the ultimate Chekhovian mash-up with over 24 actors.
 
Three Seagulls or MASHAMASHAMASHA
 
4) Doc Wasabassco’s BURLESQUE at City Winery. Right after my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, wraps late on Saturday night, head one block west and take in all that is wild and woolly. Get a taste of what New York used to be with this riveting burleque show.
 
Burlesque
 
3) Final Weekend to catch Alec Soth’s Broken Manual Exhibition at Sean Kelly. See Broken Manual, the exhibition of Soth’s photographs from 2006 through 2010. Beautiful and haunting, the photographs focus on men who have withdrawn from society. Something we would all like to do from time to time.
 
Alec Soth Broken Manual
 
2) Geek Week at Housing Works Bookstore. Geeking out has never been this cool. Add sci fi, fantasy, comics, vintage vinyl, science and math books to your collection, and save 30% through March 12th. And support venerable non-profit Housing Works.
 
Geek Week
 
1) Bossa Nova Brunch at S.O.B.’s. The legendary club is home to raucous parties many nights of the week, but on Sunday afternoons, $28.99 gets you a three-course menu and open sangria bar as well as live music by the Nanny Assis Trio. Knock back enough sangria, jump on the dance floor and forget you’ve got to head back to the 9 to 5 on Monday.
 
S.O.B.s NYCi



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Comedian-Cabbie: Fat Cat Is One of New York City’s Treasures

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Posted: March 5, 2012
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One day before Super Tuesday, I’d like to stump for one of the great places in New York City where comics like myself (and civilians) can go to unwind. Fat Cat, which bills itself as the local West Village hangout for live jazz, pool and ping pong, offers something for everyone.
 
Fat Cat
 
Here are the five reasons I love Fat Cat, which is located at 75 Christopher Street.
 
#5 You cannot beat the cheap cover. It’s cheaper than the price of two subway rides.
 
#4 While most Manhattan rec and roll places give you the VIP treatment, offer memberships and a luxury experience (think Spin, Lucky Strike, Slate), Fat Cat is a low key establishment. Its vibe screams Brooklyn in the best possible way, but we’re lucky it’s in the 212.
 
#3 It’s perfect for a casual, get-to-know-you-date or a singles night on the town. Listen to jazz, enjoy a drink or show your competitive spirit over air hockey.
 
#2 You can play Words with Friends in person aka Scrabble or chess or just about any other board game imaginable. Turn the clock back on your childhood and let loose.
 
#1 Fat Cat is a true West Village joint. Nothing fazes the employees or customers there. You can bring dozen Dunkin Donuts with you or, for a spoof, a dozen harnesses from a nearby Christopher Street sex shop, and no one cares. This is part of the reason I love New York City: anything goes.



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Five Reasons to See Wanderlust

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Posted: March 1, 2012
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Last weekend Wanderlust opened in movie theaters across the country. Here’s why you should see it now.
 
5) It’s a great American comedy offering sublime silliness and a generous spirit.
 
4) Paul Rudd & Jennifer Aniston. They have a great chemistry with each other and with me! Aniston’s a key reference point in my Off Broadway comedy show, and Rudd’s a frequent blog subject.
 
Jennifer Aniston and Paul Rudd
 
3) Justin Theroux’s goofball turn rivals those of goofball kings Mike Myers and Will Ferrell.
 
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
 
2) Lovingly dead-on casting down to the extras. Lauren Ambrose (Six Feed Under) gives birth. Linda Lavin sells real estate, and Alan Alda almost loses his.
 
1) Full frontal male nudity is the pinnacle of comedy punchlines!
 
Linsanity continues!



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