Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer

Starring Emmy Award winning Letterman writer, Ted Greenberg!

Prouder to Be a New Yorker

Categories: Latest News
Posted: October 31, 2012

My beloved hometown — New York City — is the inspiration for my comedy and for everything I do. Once again, the Big Apple has been hit with an immense challenge. Hurricane Sandy has left much of the city reeling. My neighborhood — and also where I perform my weekly one man comedy show — has been without power since Monday. It’s startling to walk through parts of Manhattan and be in pitch darkness. Surreal. Unlike anything else. What a week to happen — when two of the city’s biggest annual events are planned.
Today, Halloween is essentially the ‘national holiday of New York.’ It is THE holiday to end holidays. For the past four decades, if you wandered into Greenwich Village, you would be greeted by fantastic costumes, spellbinding puppets, outrageous personalities and gargantuan floats. In other words, the Halloween Parade is fun. But, tonight it will not happen. For the first time in 39 years. The parade route snakes through Lower Manhattan, which is still plunged in darkness thanks to a power outage caused by Hurricane Sandy. The vibrant spirit of the Halloween Parade will be missed. Normally you cannot cross Sixth Avenue for hours thanks to the parade and the ensuing crowds. This year, people won’t be able to see a few feet in front of them.
Manhattan in the dark
News has just come out that the New York City Marathon is still scheduled to take place on Sunday. This is a favorite tradition of mine. As a runner and native New Yorker (and occasional cabbie), I love that the marathon traverses all five boroughs that make New York City great. I love that it’s the ultimate test — something that is not easy to accomplish. Hey, living in New York is not easy either, but if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere as the saying goes. And, there is nothing like watching the throngs of New Yorkers line streets to cheer on the runners or cheering on the runners myself. It is one of the highlights of fall in New York.
While these two events — the Halloween Parade and New York City Marathon — have been on my mind. I am so proud to be a New Yorker. Prouder than ever because of the heroism and compassion shown by my fellow New Yorkers during the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy. I celebrate the nurses who saved the premature babies lives when NYU Hospital’s generator failed, the firefighters who took on those Breezy Point blazes and the off-duty NYPD officer who lost his life while trying to save his family. Once again, these men and women prove that my city has a resilient spirit and is filled with people who care about each other. Thank you New York. Thank you fair citizens of my hometown. I’m grateful to live here and to have the opportunity to entertain you every Saturday night.
And, I’m hoping that the lights come back on soon.


Donald Trump and the College Conspiracy

Categories: Latest News
Posted: October 25, 2012

Donald Trump
Donald Trump was a day too early in his challenge to President Barack Obama. Today is Sourest Day, as I reported earlier in the week. The day to celebrate curmudgeons and those who are dissatisfied with life or the leader of the free world. And, clearly, Mr. Trump still has a huge bone to pick with the president. So big he’s put 5 million smackeroos on the line. That’s right, The Donald has asked for POTUS to release his college records and passport records, and if the Commander-in-Chief does that, Trump will donate $5 million dollars to the president’s charity of choice.
Clearly there is an ulterior motive here. Politics aside, though, I’m most interested in two things: (1) how Trump’s announcement stimulated the economy (in Europe at least) and (2) what damaging items could possibly be lurking in anyone’s college records from 25 to 30 years ago. Wouldn’t you hate for people to vote for or against you based on something you did at 22? We’re not talking Mark Zuckerberg here, a guy who literally changed the world before he hit 22.
Read this
Polico.com article, particularly the end, for a chuckle. It’s less about Donald Trump throwing down the gauntlet and what European oddsmakers thought he might have revealed in his announcement. There were odds on Barack and Michelle Obama divorcing, President Obama using drugs and that the president is not an American. But, my absolute favorite is the 500/1 odds that Trump would pull a James Earl Jones and intone, “I’m your father Obama.” That’s genius. At least Trump’s latest publicity stunt got the pounds and Euros flowing as people wagered on what exactly he would say.
But, what is there hiding in the college records of President Barack Obama? Did he struggle in that basket weaving class? Did he barely pass his fencing class? Was he addicted to the pancakes at Tom’s Diner (doubtful), now better known for that DNA/Suzanne Vega song and as the stand in diner on Seinfeld? Did he live in a rent controlled apartment or benefit from a slightly illegal sublet (Something nearly every New Yorker has done.)? Did President Obama commit fashion faux pas after faux pas? Or claim to run the New York marathon in a much faster time than he actually completed it?
Running Mates Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan
President Barack Obama and Vice President Joe Biden
I will tell you one thing — both presidential candidates and Paul Ryan — get a pass from me on whatever they did as undergrads (As a runner, maybe not on the marathon thing). Joe Biden, on the other hand, I bet there was some fun times during his days at university. We all know what a party school University of Delaware is. Now if Trump had challenged him, that’s something I could get behind. Simply because the answers would be entertaining.

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Happy Strange Holiday Week

Categories: Latest News
Posted: October 22, 2012

As a friend’s mom once said about love, there’s a lid for every pot. There’s also a holiday for everything, but this week really takes the cake, er, nutbowl. Tomorrow kicks off a week that celebrates everything from pasta to mules to cranky co-workers. I love the absurd so I will walk you through how to spend your time this week.


You’re in luck because you don’t have to choose between International Stuttering Awareness Day and National Nut Day. Luckily you can enjoy both these holidays at the same time. Grab your favorite nut — I’m a big fan of almonds (and keep in mind peanuts are NOT nuts, they are legumes) — and listen to some tunes by Carly Simon or Mel Tillis or watch a Marilyn Monroe movie or an episode of Project Runway starting Tim Gunn. Yep, Simon, Tillis, Monroe and Gunn are (were in Monroe’s case) famous stutterers.
It’s a showdown between National Mole Day and TV Talk Show Host Day. Now, before you start scanning your body for moles or watching videos of the animals, this day celebrates a unit of chemistry — the mole. Kinda a yawn, if you ask me. October 23rd happens to be Johnny Carson‘s birthday, and thus, TV Talk Show Host Day. I lean toward focusing on it for a couple of reasons. (A) TV is way more fun than chemistry. (B) I won my Emmy writing for a TV Talk Show — thank you David Letterman. (C) I’m a huge Barbara Walters and The View fan.
johnny carson
You’ve got another two options for the 24th: — United Nations Day or Take Back Your Time Day. This is a draw. Both of these are great holidays. I’ll be diplomatic (pun intended) and espouse the need for the UN except in cases where its assembly blocks traffic. And, don’t we all need to take back some time and relax and chill and smell the roses. Or brunch with friends or enjoy date nights in October in New York? Both are very worthy.
It’s Sourest Day. And, World Pasta Day. Sourest Day shines a spotlight on curmudgeons and people with terrible attitudes. Personally, I think we need a few of these days a year. There are a lot of grumpy people in the world. And, World Pasta Day encourages people to eat one of the yummy 600 variations of the food. One of my favorite pasta restaurants in New York is Lupa in Greenwich Village. Stop by and enjoy!
Lupa Restaurant
There’s nothing that says holiday like a mule. Yes, the offspring of a male donkey and female horse has its own holiday. Who knew? If you don’t feel like raising a glass to mules, then feel free to Howl at the Moon because it’s also set for this date. They seem like they go hand in hand, no? Mules and howling at the moon.
Is it ironic that my show returns Saturday, October 27th at 10 pm (after one week off!) on Cranky Co-Workers Day? I hope not.
Now, if you feel like celebrating this wild and wooly week, come check out my comedy show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer. On stage Saturday nights at 10 pm at SoHo Playhouse.


How To Celebrate Date Night

Categories: Latest News
Posted: October 18, 2012

I rarely have a Saturday night off. It’s been nearly 52 weeks since my last one. I love being on stage at SoHo Playhouse in my mostly one-man comedy show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer. So much in fact I’ve been there week in and week out for four years.
But, October 20th, this Saturday, I will not perform my one-of-a-kind, has-to-be-seen-to-be-believed comedy show. What’s the world’s loss is my girlfriend’s gain. We can finally take part in what most people do on a weekly basis: Saturday Date Night. I’m not taking the night off lying down. Nope, I’m taking my girlfriend on the town.
Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf
We’re going to dinner and the theater. A perfect evening. I highly recommend the combo, particularly if you love SoHo restaurants and a 10 pm comedy show starring me. In our case, we’re going a little more for the drama. Our play of choice is the Edward Albee classic, Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?. This current production stars playwright-actor Tracy Letts and Tony Award nominee Amy Morton in the roles of George and Martha, respectively. Now, a play about a dysfunctional marriage might not seem like the perfect play to see with a lady friend, but the reviews have been glowing. Entertainment Weekly gave it the top grade an A, and the New York Times called it a “shattering revival.” While the play’s tone may be a bit of downer, I expect it to be a downer of the best kind.
Before we hit the bright lights of Broadway, we’re going for some Korean food. Actually some surprising food. When you think of Korean food, you don’t think of vegetarian food, but Hangawi delivers in space. The restaurant is a meditative oasis with sunken tables, low light, hushed tones and the best spicy kimchi pancakes this side of Seoul. Everything I’ve eaten there is so good that I’m getting hungry writing this post thinking about the tofu stone bowl.
Saturday cannot come soon enough.

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SoHo Playhouse Is a New York Cultural Destination

Categories: Comedy Shows,Latest News
Posted: October 15, 2012

I’ve raved about the SoHo Playhouse before. I am a bit biased (aren’t we all?) because I’m excited every time I take the stage there every Saturday night. Fringe Encores recently closed, but a few of the shows from that line-up continue on. If you missed 5 Lesbians Eating a Quiche or Danny Visconti is HILL-BENT: My Night with Hillary Clinton or This Too Shall Suck, you can still see them as they continue their runs through the end of the year.
Joining these fine shows on the boards this fall are The Other Josh Cohen, a sweet comedy about love and Neil Diamond; Burlesque-A-Pades, a weekly burlesque show; and The Improvised Play, which showcases a hilarious troupe performing a new play — created on the spot — in the style of Shakespeare, Mamet and other famous playwrights. And don’t forget Simon Lovell’s Strange and Unusual Hobbies, the longest running show at the landmark theater.
The Other Josh Cohen
The Other Josh Cohen received a rave in the New York Times. Critic David Rooney exclaimed, “I responded warmly to the unassuming charms of [The Other Josh Cohen]. Relating their story of a luckless mensch who catches a break in love just as he becomes convinced that nice guys finish last, Mr. Rossmer and Mr. Rosen infuse the material with unforced humor and genuine affection for their characters. Their relaxed chemistry extends to an appealing cast that features the show’s three multitasking musicians. Their show’s refreshing modesty is part of what makes it work.” And as someone who has an ode to Neil Diamond in my show (you gotta see it to understand!), I respect any show that finds a way to celebrate that renowned musician who has sold more than 100 million records.
As you can see, SoHo Playhouse something for everyone — lesbians, burlesque, improvised plays, one-man shows and the one and only New York comedy show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer.

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Put Your Hands Up For a Good Cause

Categories: Latest News
Posted: October 11, 2012

I’m excited that my Off-Broadway comedy show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, will host a group from Hands Up: The Pose! on Saturday night, October 13th. So thrilled in fact that I’ve gotten in on the silliness.
Jessica Hawk-Ippolito founded the movement last year to create fun around the world and raise money for good causes. After years of posing for photos with her “hands up,” Jessica put a call out to the world for others to join her and take pictures of themselves in the same funny pose. She got more than expected, even from Antarctica. Here’s a video on how it all began.

People can send the photos to her via Email contact@handsupthepose.com or post on the group’s Facebook page. Hands Up – The Pose receives pledges for every photo received, and then donates the pledges to various causes — different campaigns at different times of the year. Right now, the group is fundraising for AllOut.org, an organization dedicated to “build this historic movement for equality” for everyone — gay, lesbian, bi, transgender or straight.
For every photo of the pose posted, Hands Up – The Pose will receive $2, and if you add the name of the organization — AllOut.org — in your photo, Hands Up – The Pose gets $5 for the cause. All funds will then be donated to AllOut.org.
Here’s my photo. It was fun and easy to take. I hope you will join me in supporting such a hilarious, yet heartwarming project.
Ted Greenberg supports Hands Up -- The Pose
This ingenious type of fundraising is catching on. Recently, movie star couple Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield held up signs promoting their favorite charities when they realized paparazzi were outside the restaurant they were dining in. As it’s been said, imitation is the best form of flattery.
Here’s to Jessica and Hands Up – The Pose!

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Thank You for a Stellar 4th Anniversary

Categories: Latest News
Posted: October 8, 2012

Thank you to the raucous crowd that made my show’s — Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer — 4th Anniversary an unforgettable night. From start to finish, I loved every moment of the show on Saturday, October 6th! And, a cup of gratitude to all my well wishers on Facebook and Twitter as well as to anyone who has seen one of the 250 shows over the past four years.
Here’s the testimonial clip. I feel fortunate that my super, Richard Kind, my dad and a bunch of other show supporters had some nice things to say about my work.

If you cannot tell it, I’m so grateful that if I kept a gratitude journal, my entry for Saturday, October 6th would overflow with joy and zeal. I look forward to another four years on the boards at SoHo Playhouse. And, I hope to see you at the show again soon.
ted greenberg fourth anniversary party
And, we couldn’t have celebrated our fourth anniversary without the delicious chocolate chip cookies from West Village bakery Milk and Cookies. The treats were perfect! Thank you.


Here’s to Ted Greenberg from the Show’s Staff

Categories: Comedy Shows,Latest News
Posted: October 4, 2012

Ted is gearing up for the fourth anniversary show of Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, this Saturday night, October 6th, at SoHo Playhouse. So the show’s staff has taken over today’s blog post. The show has one of the most eclectic group of people behind the scenes, but they have the best things to say about Ted and the show. In honor of this fourth anniversary, we each wrote about our favorite moments in the past 200 weeks.
The Complete Performer Team

“The biggest thrill for me as the producer is continuously seeing progress being made. We’re one big family, always growing, & I’m one of the ones lucky enough to have been with the show since the very beginning. It’s gone through some wild changes, & it’s just been fun seeing Ted, Mike Motz, & the crew roll with every new bit that’s thrown in. I remember getting a call from Ted at 2am in the morning back when the show was in it’s infancy and he asked, “Can you find me a place that makes Mascot heads?” I got calls like that all the time, & that’s how I remember many of the pieces of the show coming together. We’re also blessed with the best audiences in New York City! My favorite moments are seeing audience members that have seen the show twice, sometimes even four times in the past! It continues to be ‘that show’ you have to see when visiting New York! I’m resting well at night knowing that it’s going to surpass ‘Cats’ one day… here’s to another 4 years!”
Matt, Producer


“My favorite moments are small, and tend to stream from something going wrong. Because life and theater are not about things going right, but how you handle them when they do go wrong. And the real magic of this show is Ted is so good on his feet, that when things do go wrong they turn out so much better than if it had gone right.
Not that we should shoot for things to go awry, but I’ll sleep well knowing when they do, we can handle it, and make it better.”
Kate, stage manager


“Getting lost in queens on a cab ride home and circling around what seemed to be the same industrial park over and over again.
“We’re lost…oh well, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack cigarettes, it’s dark out and the Mascot is wearing sunscreen.”‘
Mike, Mascot Greenberg


“My favorite moment was my first night at the show, where I saw just how funny the show was and how it made the audience feel.

Since day one for me, which happened to be four years ago, I knew that the show was going to make people’s lives happier and make their time at the show, a night that they wouldn’t forget.

I’ve had a lot of friends and family see the show and I always mention a line or reflect a moment they had while at the show.

I’ve had nothing but good times working at The Complete Performer and I look forward to another 4 years of exciting and laughter filled times.”
Bestar, Technical Director


“One can’t find enough words. ALL the memories to sum them all up in a few words. What I can say is that in being a founding member / supporter / team player and ‘a part of the excitement’ – is just that one moment to share was, one evening watching Ted Greenberg and his Mascot on the street in a before pre-show crowd interaction with the beat on the street before show time was, “Ted: Hey you guys come and see my show I’m hilarious and the funniest man you’ll ever see in your life! . . . ( reaction – People: Really? Do you know, where Canal street is!? Ted & Mascot pointed and off they went …Ted: Great guys, have the best time!” The Mascot, danced and gave Ted a high five. Great comedy and the show, well – that feeling of what NYC still is. Thanks for the surprises and laughs, Ted!!”
Michael McQ, Assistant Mascot Trainer


“I’ve only worked on the show a short time, but already I’ve driven a taxi, dressed a mascot, beaten that same mascot in chess, and enjoyed the antics of an audience member names “Tiddlywinks.” You never know what will happen each night at this show, making it both fun to see and easy to work on. They should call it “Any Given Saturday” and then not get sued by Oliver Stone.”
Lou, Technical Assistant


“There are so many wonderful memories from this show. It is quintessential New York. Outlandish. Brilliant. Hilarious. I love saying good night to the audience every Saturday night and seeing the smiles on their faces. For 60 minutes each week, magic — both literal and figurative — happens on the stage at SoHo Playhouse. Happy Anniversary to the show, to Ted, whose spirit is always inspiring. Thank you to the fans for keeping it vital and fresh.”
Lanie, Publicist

And we promise the show is so much funnier than that snoozefest of a debate last night. Get your tickets now here.

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4th Anniversary Celebration This Weekend!

Categories: Latest News
Posted: October 1, 2012

Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, my mostly one-man comedy show, began over four years ago at the 2008 New York International Fringe Festival, moved to the Fringe Encores, and has had a home at SoHo Playhouse’s Huron Club Saturday nights at 10:00 pm ever since. It’s a thrill to perform week in and week out in New York. And, big, Andy Kaufman-sized thank you to everyone who has seen my show over the part four years.
This Saturday night, I am celebrating the fourth anniversary with a little help from our favorite West Village bakery Milk and Cookies (a treat for everyone who attends!) and testimonials from some of my dear friends, my dad and people who work behind the scenes on the show. You don’t want to miss this particular performance!
Now according to Miss Manners types, a perfect fourth anniversary gift is either linen or silk or flowers. Now, if I have to rank them in order of preference, I would put flowers at the top of the list. Roses are grand and the New York state flower. Plus you can get two dozen for $10 on the corner of Houston and Sixth Avenue. I always love a bargain. And, I’d chose silk over linen any day. Linen, though breathable, wrinkles too easily, and since it’s past Labor Day, silk feels more in order. Now, you’re not required to get me a present for the big fourth anniversary, but I won’t turn them down. Particularly because I’m proud of this anniversary.
Why am I so proud? Over 200 shows in four years is a great feat, especially when you consider Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer has outlasted many celebrity marriages. Now I’m not just talking about a certain New York Net and reality star. Did you know that the following couples were married in 2008, and are no longer betrothed?
1) Ryan Reynolds & Scarlett Johansson
— In fact Ryan has moved on and re-married another mid-20s blonde, Blake Lively, in the last 48 months. Of course, the New York state-based couple is invited to my show any time.
Scarlett Johansson & Ryan Reynolds
2) Chris Evert & Greg Norman — The sports legends were much more successful in their respective fields, tennis and golf, than in love.
Greg Norman and Chris Evert
3) Chris Kattan & Sunshine Tutt — Marrying a model does not guarantee a lasting union as comedian Kattan found out. The couple separated less than a year after walking down the aisle.
Chris Kattan and Sunshine Tutt
4) Emmy Rossum & Justin Siegel — The truth is no one knew they were married until their divorce was announced.
Emmy Rossum & Justin Siegel
5) Michael C. Hall & Jennifer Carpenter — This duo play brother and sister on Dexter, but their marriage lasted less than three years.
Michael C. Hall & Jennifer Carpenter
6) Charlie Sheen & Brooke Allen — Enough said.
Charlie Sheen & Brooke Allen
Hope to see you at my fourth anniversary show on Saturday night. Get tickets now.