Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer

Starring Emmy Award winning Letterman writer, Ted Greenberg!

My Favorite Place to Watch Giants Games: Jake’s Saloon

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 9, 2012

Congrats to the New York Giants on their compelling victory over the Atlanta Falcons yesterday. As I predicted, Freddie Falcon’s team could not hold a candle to Jason Pierre-Paul and the Giants’ moves.
Ted Greenberg and his Mascot Greenberg cheer for the Giants
As a lifelong New Yorker, I always look for the best place to watch a game with friends. A sports bar that’s not quite a ‘sports bar’ in the way that my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, is an improv show for people who don’t like improv, a magic show for people who don’t like magic.
Jake's Saloon in New York City
And, I have found that perfect ‘sports bar’ in Jake’s Saloon on West 23rd in Chelsea. The bar boasts a casual, exciting, yet relaxed vibe. It’s not filled with overly aggressive football fans who yell at every mistake and spill their beer at every touchdown. Jake’s Saloon is filled with people like me, who want cheering on the Giants to be a fun, yet chill affair. So, thank you, Jake’s Saloon for being such a good host. And, thank you Giants for making my Sunday.

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10 Reasons Why the Giants Will Beat the Falcons

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 6, 2012

On Sunday, January 8th, the New York Giants will take on the Atlanta Falcons in the first round of the NFL play-offs. The showdown will commence at 1:00 pm at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
My Mascot and I predict a victory for the Giants. In honor of our favorite #10, Eli Manning, here are the top 10 reasons why Big Blue will win.
#1 The Falcons are a pampered dome team. They are unprepared for air.
#2 Victor Cruz has secret access to JLo / Jerry Rice Dancing With the Stars audition tapes.
Victor Cruz, New York Giants
#3 Eli Manning. Can you say 15 fourth-quarter touchdowns this season?
#4 New York has Jewish ownership. Atlanta has Jewish ownership. Actually, this one is a toss up. Mazel Tov.
#5 The Giants have an secret mascot. Jewish. That’s right – Mascot Greenberg!
#6 Mascot Greenberg trained with Jason Pierre-Paul at the iBowl Back Flip Contest.

#7 Freddie Falcon, the Atlanta Falcon mascot, is a crack whore.

#8 The Atlanta Falcons have a cheerleading squad. The Giants have Lisbeth Salander, aka Rooney Mara, whose family has owned at least part of the franchise since its founding in 1925.

#9 Mascot Greenberg re-enacted all plays of the 2007 Super Bowl in Modell’s varsity shop
Ted Greenberg and Mascot Greenberg
#10 In real life, don’t you think a giant would defeat a falcon?

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Comedian-Cabbie Ted Greenberg Ranks Top 2011 Cab Rides

Categories: Taxi Cabs
Posted: January 5, 2012

My mascot and I drove dozens home from the show last year. There were no bad rides. Here were my 5 favorite taxi rides of 2011.

1) Latvian New Year.

It was the dawn of 2011. I was young. He was Latvian. But spoke fluent Polish – the language of taxi lust.

2) Peltzer’s Saturday at the Fat Cat Club
I put the saddle & paddle on the Peltzers – drove’em to my favorite ping-pong club.

3) Mascot’s Night Out
I escorted winners to Sea in the Meatpacking District then the Mascot “saw” some serious meatpacking action.

4) I Fought the Law, and the Law Won.
I got stuck with a $115 parking ticket after a certain big head double parked. I’m no scofflaw. I paid the ticket AND comped the officer to the next show.

5) Merchants Cigar Bar.
I lit up with this smokin’ French hottie!

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Mascot Greenberg Unveils His 2012 Resolutions

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 2, 2012

Today I turn my blog over to my silent, yet dance-loving mascot, Mascot Greenberg. He’s my trusty sidekick every Saturday night during Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer. The least I can do is share his 2012 resolutions.

Mascot Greenberg and Ted Greenberg, post-show

#1 Become a Zumba instructor. The dance-fitness craze keeps me toned and in shape to entertain audiences every week at the SoHo Playhouse. Now, it’s time for me to give back and teach others the moves that have changed my life.

#2 Master the t-shirt cannon.
If Mr. Met can do this, it cannot be that hard.

#3 Make polygamy legal. I love all of my wives. If you’ve seen Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, you will understand. If not, find out what I’m talking about.
Mascot Greenberg and his wives

#4 Make alimony illegal.
See #3.
#5 Improve my handball game. I must beat Ted in 2012.

#6 Learn how to “Dougie.”
It’s time to expand my dancing moves this year.

Mascot Greenberg would love to hear from YOU. What are your top resolutions for 2012?

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What 20 Million Bucks Gets You with Mr. Mascot Greenberg!

Categories: Latest News
Posted: December 21, 2011

The Mets are pimping Mr. Met to the tune of $20 million, as reported by the New York Times.  They’re offering schmooze time and party appearances. Maybe that’s worth 20 rock. But here’s what you’d get for that coin from my mascot, Mascot Greenberg:
— Round-the-clock dive cartwheels performed on hot coals.
— Chess lessons
Mascot Greenberg Chess
— And backstage passes to a consistently winning show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer.


Ted Greenberg and his mascot, Mascot Greenberg


Don’t fret Mr. Met, the money will “stay in the family.”
Mr. Met and Mascot Greenberg


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How This Cabbie Comic Celebrated His Birthday

Categories: Comedy Shows,Off-Broadway Shows,Taxi Cabs
Posted: December 12, 2011

Been there. Done that.  By the time you reach a certain distinguished age like me, you’ve celebrated your birthday in every possible way.

Scaling the Himalayas. Check. Parasailing in Hawaii. Naturally.  Shooting under 80 at Augusta National. Left handed! Line dancing in Utah. Yep, done that too.
12th hole at Augusta National

12th hole at Augusta National


This year, I rang in my birthday in the best possible way. On Saturday, December 10th, I took to the stage at the SoHo Playhouse in my beloved hometown, New York City, for the 173rd performance of Ted Greenberg’s The Complete PerformerThe Mascot and I loved every moment entertaining the capacity crowd, which included Kenny Kramer (known for being the inspiration for the Kramer character on Seinfeld).  We were met with lots of laughter and cheers.  But, I swear I wore the largest smile of anyone in the theater.
I love performing this show every Saturday night at 10:00 pm and driving one lucky audience group home in a yellow New York City cab.  It beats celebrating with Grace Jones, Charo and Mickey Rooney in Hong Kong.  I can promise you that.
Ted Greenberg and Mascot Greenberg in a New York City taxi cab.

Ted Greenberg and Mascot Greenberg in a taxi
Thank you to “Joe Namath,” “Paper Clip,” “Jenny” and many others for making this birthday so memorable.  And to Ben, Derek and Jennifer for a being such great passengers in the cab ride home.  It was the perfect way to cap off another great year.
Perhaps, you will celebrate your next birthday with me at the show?

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Ted Greenberg’s Top Five Taxi Entertainments

Categories: Taxi Cabs
Posted: December 6, 2011

As the writer/performer of the only Off-Broadway comedy show with a free cab ride home, I’m often asked my opinion about the portrayal of taxi drivers and taxis in movies and on television.  As a taxi cab driver, I, of course, have a strong opinion on the matter.


Here’s my list for my Top 5 Taxi Entertainments:


1) Taxi DriverMartin Scorsese’s 1976 dark film about a former Vietnam vet turned taxi driver (Robert De Niro in a groundbreaking role) inspired me to get my hack license in the 1980s.  From the moment I saw this classic film, I was in awe of how the film captured Gotham’s haunting allure, especially the night scenes.

 Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver, Ted Greenberg's Top Five Taxi Entertainments.

2) Women on the Verge of a Nervous BreakdownPedro Almodovar’s zany 1988 film features one of the most outrageous taxis in the history of the world.  With a whimsical cab interior that’s equal parts Liberace and Lady Gaga, I’m not sure why anyone would ever get out of this vehicle. Last year, a musical stage adaptation of the film opened on Broadway. My childhood friend and David Letterman co-writer David Yazbek wrote the show’s music and lyrics and received a Tony Award nomination for Outstanding Score. And, the production’s taxi driver (Danny Burstein) was as hilarious and riveting as Guillermo Montesinos was in the film.

Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown taxi photo


3) Night on Earth – Filmmaker Jim Jarmusch has great hair. Great white hair.  The Mascot and I are NOT jealous. Not jealous at all.  Mainly because he also makes really great films.  His 1991 effort Night on Earth follows five cab drivers in five cities – New York, Paris, Helsinki, Los Angeles and Rome.  While I wouldn’t mind having Beatrice Dalle as a passenger (she is fantastic as a blind Parisian), I’m a New Yorker at heart. Just like Jarmusch.
Photo from Night on Earth, 1991 film by Jim Jarmusch


4) Taxi – Having been nominated twice for the Andy Kaufman Award, how can I not love the iconic TV show that starred the comic genius alongside Judd Hirsch, Marilu Henner, Danny De Vito, Tony Danza and the late Jeff Conway?

Taxi TV show starring Andy Kaufman


5) Friends – On the famous comedy TV show, Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) was bequeathed a yellow cab by her grandmother.  The cab was featured in the show on occasion, including a visit to Phoebe’s mom in season 3.  Her mom was played by the inimitable Teri Garr, who turned in comic gold performances in Young Frankenstein, Mr. Mom and Tootsie and was a regular guest on the David Letterman show while I was a writer there.  Here’s a video of Garr’s 1987 visit to Letterman:




What’s your favorite taxi featured in a film, TV show or play?

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