Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer

Starring Emmy Award winning Letterman writer, Ted Greenberg!

Celebrating What’s Great About New York

Categories: Latest News
Posted: July 14, 2014

There are a million — really 8 million — reasons to live in New York City. The siren’s call brings thousands of artists, entrepreneurs and other fine, engaged citizens to the Big Apple. Last week, we experienced the beautiful, wild phenomenon — Manhattanhenge, which is explained in this great Economist article. And, the Brooklyn Nets came to the wise decision to can its mascot Knight. See there are smart people here. Make a mistake, like creating a befuddling mascot, and it’s corrected two years later.
Tom Christopher
New York is known for its visual artists and galleries, whether on the Upper East Side or in Chelsea. There is a new one, though, to check out painting in real time. And, it’s drawing serious crowds because it’s located in the Broadway district. Tourists and New Yorkers alike can take in a show and see another show — this one free — at the iconic Brill Building.
Two artists — Andy Hammerstein and Tom Christopher — have taken over the street level studio and paint in real time with an audience simply separated by a glass window. Here’s a great New York Daily News article on The Brill Project. You can check out this unique project through this week.

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6th Place is Not Acceptable

Categories: Latest News
Posted: April 28, 2014

There’s surely going to be dissension about this list. One that ranks the 50 funniest cities in America from The Humor Research Lab at the Leeds School of Business at University of Colorado Boulder. It just released its findings at The Humor Code.
Chicago ranks first on the list. The Windy City is a great choice. No problem with it taking the top spot, but New York–where comedy is king–should not be outside the top 5. No way. And, we shouldn’t lose to Boston EVER about anything. You hear me Yankees and other comedians? We need to take this back. How Bean Town ended up being No. 2 I have no idea.
Even more perplexing is that The Big Apple places behind Atlanta; Washington, D.C. and Portland. Say what? New Yorkers pride ourselves on our wit. A sense of humor is required in a city where rents are sky high and you can pay $55 for mac and cheese. The only saving grace is that we didn’t finish behind Los Angeles, which comes in at No. 7.
Alright, time to get funnier NYC.

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The Christmas Socks That Keep On Giving….Laughter

Categories: Latest News
Posted: December 26, 2013

The funniest thing I watched on TV yesterday was not the millionth re-run of A Christmas Story. It was the Nets games. Did you get a load of those candy cane socks? If not, take a look at the photo. Not since Ronald McDonald wore a pair of red striped socks has something so ghastly been on the small screen.
Look, I’m a fan of the Knicks, but I did the Nets black and white uniforms. They are cool and very New York. I, though, don’t understand the team’s mascot. Hey, I’m a man with his own mascot so I know about this subject.
I even like Barclays Center, the Nets home, but I cannot abide those socks. You don’t have to be fashion expert to realize how ridiculous they are. While I cannot appreciate them from a design standpoint, they did cause me to endlessly crack up yesterday. So, thanks Nets for that. It made it a very Merry Christmas.

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What Everyone Wants for Christmas

Categories: Latest News
Posted: December 16, 2013

Finally, America can rest in peace. There is a pinup calendar featuring New York City taxi cab drivers. Time called it hilarious. Checking out the photos will give you the chuckles and remind you that the Big Apple is the best city on the earth.
Sure, you could get Joe Manganiello’s new book Evolution and stare at perfection every day. But, why would you do that when you can peep a cabbie with a horse head? Am I right?
Yes, it’s nice to get Harry & David pears for the holidays. Particularly when you juice regularly in the morning. But, a calendar of NYC cabbies will put a smile on your face everyday. Those pears won’t do that.
A nice sweater from Macy’s, Bloomingdales or Saks is also welcome. It can keep you warm as the weather turns to brutal. But, this cabbie calendar will warm your heart through summer, spring, fall and winter. What’s the better gift?
My only quibble is I wasn’t asked to participate. I drive a cab every Saturday night after my 10 pm comedy show–Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer. I guess there is always next year.

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Here Comes the SantaCon

Categories: Latest News
Posted: December 12, 2013

New York City’s most controversial event–SantaCon-hits the streets starting at 10am this Saturday, December 14th. Neighborhoods–particularly downtown, Midtown and some in Brooklyn–will be overrun by adults of any gender dressed in red Santa costumes getting their drink on.
The organizers ask participating ‘Santas’ to donate $10, which will be dedicated to charity. Last year, the event raised $45,000 which provided 10,000 pound of food to charities. The event also raises many eyebrows. Not every New Yorker likes having his or her neighborhood populated with inebriated bar crawlers all day. According to the Observer, Lower East Side residents have even staged an AntiCon. There was even talk of banning the event, but that did not come to fruition.
Mascot Greenberg and I will not join in SantaCon–hey we have a show to perform on Saturday night at 10pm. We don’t need to throw back alcohol before noon. But, I will say we look pretty dashing in our Santa costumes. Wouldn’t you say so?


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How to Pick a Halloween Costume – Comedian Style

Categories: Latest News
Posted: October 28, 2013

Since my Saturday night comedy show – Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer – performs just around the corner from Blood Manor and steps from the start of the famed Village Halloween Parade, I’ve been in the Halloween spirit for quite some time. With New York City’s favorite holiday only days away, I’ve tossed around some costume ideas for me and Mascot Greenberg. Here are the best ideas I’ve come up with so far.
#5 Batman and Robin — The Super Hero and his sidekick is a natural fit for me and my Mascot. Toss in the Batmobile instead of a taxi, and I’m game.
#4 Dorothy and Toto — We’re not in Kansas any more. I think the Mascot would make an adorable small dog, don’t you? Not sure I can pull off Dorothy, but it’s worth a shot.
#3 Rayna James and Juliette Barnes — Two of the best frenemies on televison. Why not go a little country in this rock ‘n roll town?
#2 Bill de Blasio and Joe Lhota — With the election only a few days away, Mascot Greenberg and I can be on the opposite political sides.
#1 Eli Manning and any other Giant — This is a truly scary outfit. My beloved Giants in the season from Hell.

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A Look Back: Five Years of Memories

Categories: Comedians,Comedy Shows,Latest News
Posted: October 17, 2013

It takes a team to put Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer on each week. Today we ask five members of the TGTCP team about their favorite memories about the show, heading into its 6th Season at Soho Playhouse.
Kate (Stage Manager)
My favorite thing about the show is how fluid it is. The show continues to evolve and change. And while it remains the same no two shows are exactly the same.
Bestar (Technical Director)
My fondest experience with the show is when I invited a few friends to come and see the show. They had a blast! We were all talking about it for quite some time. They asked me to reveal Ted’s secrets, but I promised to never give them up. It was a great experience being able to laugh with friends about the show. They told family back home about the show and everyone wants to go when they come here on vacation.
Lou (Technical Assistant)
My favorite thing about the show has always been simply that Ted has a mascot of himself. Who has a mascot of themself?! Whether dancing up a storm, levitating himself, or getting into the taxi driven by Ted, the mascot is the perfect addition to blow any one-man-only show out of the water. One-man, one-beast shows are way better, and I’ve never seen it anywhere else.
Lanie (Producer)
I love this show. It brings together fathers and sons with shared comic sensibility, groups of women celebrating birthdays or bachelorette parties, native New Yorkers and, like last week, a group of nine who were in town for a friend’s wedding. Everyone has a great time because Ted is hilarious, outrageous and the perfect funny-man to spend Saturday night with.
Mascot Greenberg (Mascot)
The first time I fell in love was during The Complete Performer.
Being a mascot, love is hard to find. Do you know we are the only type of person to not have their own dating website?
It was a Saturday night. Ted was doing his thing. I was doing mine and then it happened. A woman ran on stage during the show and hugged Ted! This was very similar to a streaker during a sporting event, except she was wearing clothes. Bummer, I know. She then exclaimed how much she loved Ted and the show. After realizing she had no plans to leave the stage or letting the show continue I did what any good wingman would do. I attempted to escort this enthusiastic fan back to her seat.
What came next from her was a result of pure affection mixed with a few martinis. The lady clamped onto my giant mascot dome like an octopus and told me how fantastic I was. All I ever do is dish out affection and now I was receiving it! She then sat down and enjoyed the rest of the show. I never saw her again after that night.
I never felt love before that shining moment in time, but for that brief instant, I was adored.
Love my friends, smells like vodka and screams in your ears to make sure you truly know how great you are.
The 5th Anniversary show is set for this Saturday, October 19th. Join us. Tickets are available at https://web.ovationtix.com/trs/pe.c/9818876.

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The Happy Hour Theatre Crawl Returns

Categories: Latest News
Posted: September 16, 2013

I am proud to be part of the downtown arts community. This upcoming event — where you can learn more about the vibrant theatres in the area — looks like a lot of fun. Next Monday night, why don’t you stop by The Second Annual Happy Hour Theatre Crawl? Here’s the skinny on what, when and where.
Community Board 2
An informal alliance between Community Board 2 and our neighborhood’s Culture scene
Residents of Community Board 2 are cordially invited to:

Monday, Sept 23rd from 5:30pm-9:30pm
Join CB2 and some of your favorite local arts organizations for this special FREEcommunity event!
A local landmarks expert will guide us through historic Village streets from theatre to theatre. Once the Happy Hour Theatre Crawlers arrive at a venue, we will enjoy 45-minutes of drinks and snacks and get to know the theatre and its artistic leaders. We hope you can attend the entire crawl, but if you can only join for part of it, here is where the crawl will arrive, and when:
A. HERE (145 6th Ave – entrance on Dominick) – 5:30pm
B. SOHO PLAYHOUSE(15 Vandam St)– 6:30pm
C. CHERRY LANE THEATRE(38 Commerce Street)– 7:30pm
D. NEW OHIO THEATRE(154 Christopher Street)– 8:45pm
PLEASE RSVP TO: cb2cult@gmail.com
Check out www.cb2manhattan.org for info

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Right on Time

Categories: Latest News
Posted: April 29, 2013

In the springtime and summer, doors for my weekly comedy show — Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer — open at 9:45 pm. And once whisked inside, you’ll be given first class treatment, the opportunity to get your drink on and the chance to enjoy my hour-long show. And possibly win a free cab ride home or to your next location.
If you’re looking for something to do before 9:45, you can visit King Pong like Mascot and I did last Saturday night (picture enclosed). Be prepared most of the customers look like they are out of central casting for a Wes Anderson flick, but that’s part of the charm. The lighting is bright and the players have their eye on the ball. The competition is fierce. Even if you don’t pick up a paddle or two, it’s a fun place to watch others battle it out for ping pong supremacy.
Ted and Mascot play ping pong
Or you can grab a drink down the block at the Barrel Room at City Winery. The intimate restaurant and bar serves wine on tap as well as harder alcohol. And it’s a cozy, romantic spot for a little pre-show enjoyment. Or try our favorite Westville, which I recently profiled, for dinner. It’s a neighborhood gem and only two blocks from Soho Playhouse.
And we look forward to seeing you at 9:45 pm.

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Mascot Offers Fashion Tips

Categories: Latest News
Posted: September 10, 2012

Last week, I listed my top five fashion tips, just in time for Mercedes Benz Fashion Week to begin. Before the fashion frenzy closes on Thursday, Mascot Greenberg, my trusty sidekick for Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, wanted to get in on the action.
Here are the Top Five Fashion Tips from Mascot Greenberg:

5. The 80s Never Went Out of Style. The decade of Reagan, Crocodile Dundee and the Chia Pet did bring some good things to life. Namely shoulder pads. If you’ve got a ginormous head like I do, shoulder pads help balance your look. They worked for the ladies of Dynasty, Kate & Allie and Designing Women. Shoulder pads also worked their magic on Crockett and Tubbs, making those handsome devils from Miami Vice look a little more imposing. As I say, always trust Don Johnson.
Miami Vice
4. LMFAO Has Gotten Something Right. I’m a big fan of stripes, plaids and rainbows. Anything that looks like it would fit on a 1980s (there we go again) metal rockin’ head banger, but with a modern twist. Now, what’s interesting about Redfoo, half of the duo LMFAO, is that he brings them all together in a fusion of color, texture and patterns. Not sure how exactly he works it, but his clothing sure looks like a lot of fun.
Redfoo, LMFAO
3. Epaulets Are a Guy’s Best Friend. Girls may have diamonds. We, guys, have epaulets. I’m a huge fan of pageantry and officialdom. Oh, and a little band called The Beatles. How solid do Paul, John, Ringo and George look in this attire? As they say, men in uniforms drive women crazy. Believe me, it’s the epaulets.
The Beatles
2. Vans Aren’t Just for the Road. I dance, prance and move around the stage a lot during the Saturday night comedy show Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer. And my trusty shoes are Vans. I don’t hit a dance floor without them. They look sharp, and they let me do my sharp moves.
Vans shoes
1. Kings Have the Right Idea. When you’ve got a head as large as Mascot Greenberg, it’s better to stay away from hats, chapeaus or visors. They just make your head look larger. Instead, embrace crowns, which are decorative and regal. I wear one every Saturday night, and constantly get compliments on it. Just how I roll.
Mascot Greenberg & Ted Greenberg wear the crowns

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