Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer

Starring Emmy Award winning Letterman writer, Ted Greenberg!

     
Five Things to Do in SoHo This Weekend | March 9 – 11, 2012

Categories: Latest News
Posted: March 8, 2012
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (0)


SoHo is one of New York’s most vibrant neighborhoods, nestled between the West Village and TriBeCa. Filled with former factories that have been turned into fashion stores, restaurants and boutiques, SoHo is a must visit for most tourists and a frequent cultural destination for New Yorkers. It is also home to my Off-Broadway comedy show,Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer.
 
This upcoming weekend, March 9 through 11, 2012, take full advantage of all SoHo has to offer. Here are five can’t miss things to do:
 
5) The Three Seagulls, or MASHAMASHAMASHA at HERE. One of downtown’s premiere theater, HERE presents the ultimate Chekhovian mash-up with over 24 actors.
 
Three Seagulls or MASHAMASHAMASHA
 
4) Doc Wasabassco’s BURLESQUE at City Winery. Right after my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, wraps late on Saturday night, head one block west and take in all that is wild and woolly. Get a taste of what New York used to be with this riveting burleque show.
 
Burlesque
 
3) Final Weekend to catch Alec Soth’s Broken Manual Exhibition at Sean Kelly. See Broken Manual, the exhibition of Soth’s photographs from 2006 through 2010. Beautiful and haunting, the photographs focus on men who have withdrawn from society. Something we would all like to do from time to time.
 
Alec Soth Broken Manual
 
2) Geek Week at Housing Works Bookstore. Geeking out has never been this cool. Add sci fi, fantasy, comics, vintage vinyl, science and math books to your collection, and save 30% through March 12th. And support venerable non-profit Housing Works.
 
Geek Week
 
1) Bossa Nova Brunch at S.O.B.’s. The legendary club is home to raucous parties many nights of the week, but on Sunday afternoons, $28.99 gets you a three-course menu and open sangria bar as well as live music by the Nanny Assis Trio. Knock back enough sangria, jump on the dance floor and forget you’ve got to head back to the 9 to 5 on Monday.
 
S.O.B.s NYCi



Tags: , ,

What To Do in New York City The Day Before the Super Bowl

Categories: Latest News
Posted: February 2, 2012
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (0)


Athletes are notoriously superstitious and often follow the same pre-game ritual to ensure victory. With the biggest game — the Super Bowl — on the line for the New York Football Giants, I recommend the G-Men’s fans to follow this routine to guarantee a victory over the New England Patriots on Sunday, February 5th in Indianapolis.
 

The winning game plan for Saturday, February 4th is as follows:

1) In the morning, visit the Bowling Green Station in downtown Manhattan as it’s on the ticker tape parade route if Big Blue wins the Lombardi Trophy. Say a prayer that Eli Manning will lead the Giants to victory the following day.
 
Giants Ticker Tape Parade
 
2) Speaking of Eli, it’s reported his favorite food is meat balls. Stop by The Meatball Shop — outposts on Greenwich Avenue and Stanton Street in Manhattan and on Bedford Avenue in Brooklyn — and gobble up a slider, smash or hero. Do it for the team.
 
The Meatball Shop sliders
 
3) In the afternoon, make a pilgrimage to the site of the former Polo Grounds — 155th Street and Manhattan Avenue. The New York Giants won three NFL Championships during its 30-year stay at the Polo Grounds. Light a candle, acknowledge the team’s history and prepare for another Super Bowl win.
 
4) Have dinner at Mickey Mantle’s Restaurant and Bar. You will be surrounded by fellow sports fans, and let’s face it, Mantle was an iconic player for arguably the best franchise in sports history — the New York Yankees. That team has won 27 championships.
 
Mickey Mantle's in New York City
 
5) Finish the night off with a visit to my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer. You’ll get a good dose of comedy and the chance to blow off steam before the big day. And, my Mascot and I have worn Giants t-shirts throughout the playoffs during the show. We believe we’ve done our part to help Big Blue win thus far.
 
Ted Greenberg and Mascot Greenberg



Tags: , , ,

2012 New York City Comedy Club Awards

Categories: Comedy Shows,Reviews
Posted: January 26, 2012
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (1)


AWARDS CEREMONY!
 
Every week at my mostly one-man comedy show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, I acknowledge audience contributions in a red carpet awards ceremony.
 
As a stand-up comic, I’ve played nearly every New York City comedy club. So today I name the winners of The Complete Performer’s 2012 New York City Comedy Club Awards. Envelope please.
 
THE HYGIENE AWARD goes to Gotham Comedy Club. What Donald Trump’s club would run like, whip-crack professionalism and spit-shined bathrooms (something I’ve challenged with preshow jitters).
 
Gotham Comedy Club logo
 
THE OLD SCHOOL AWARD goes to Dangerfield’s. Tucked away in the 60s geographically & spiritually, it sweetly summons the heyday of stand-up titan Rodney Dangerfield. Bombing comics get dumped in nearby East River.
 
Dangerfield's logo

 

 

THE WORKOUT ROOM AWARD goes to Grisly Pear. Call ahead on Thursday nights to see New York City’s great up and comers.
 
The Grisly Pear logo
 
THE MANHATTAN INC AWARD goes to Caroline’s On Broadway. Brassy like a giant speakeasy, it’s the club that claims a true Broadway ambiance.
 
Caroline's on Broadway
 

THE NO NEPOTISM AWARD goes to the Comedy Cellar. Uncompromised by private functions or industry log rollers, it’s the any-day venue par excellence (if not sold out). Louis CK’s home court.
 
Comedy Cellar
 
After seeing my show, roll six blocks to the Cellar. That is, if you don’t win the free cab ride home!



Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

OVERCOMING BLOWN CALLS, THAT’S WHY WE’RE NEW YORK GIANTS

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 17, 2012
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (0)


As a taxi driver and current Off-Broadway darling, I know a lot about football.
 
New York Giants beat Packers
 

The Giants swept aside the Packers in Green Bay on Sunday. They prevailed through grit, cunning, and despite suspect home-field officiating throughout (bad spots, late hits, chronic holding, and a fumble deemed to be a turnover by everyone in the world but 2 high-ranking zebras = refs). The Giants responded to shoddy refereeing with sustained play so strong as to be undeniable.
 

And it wasn’t just on Sunday. Of late, teams are permitted to appeal unfavorable rulings by means of a challenge flag. Giant head coach Tom Coughlin’s last 8 challenges have been denied. That’s the longest current streak in the league. But the 8-challenge losing streak coincides with a 4-game winning streak against top opponents. That’s an awesome inverse relationship. Close–calls-against-us and wins.
 

Rather than sulk or finger-point, the Giants persevere. As a lifelong Giants fan I love that. As a New Yorker I’m proud of it. In my personal and professional life I aspire to it. And so does my mascot.
 

Yes, I have my own mascot (given the choice who wouldn’t?). And my mascot hasn’t missed a performance of Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer in over 3 years and despite much adversity.
 

Throughout 2010 my mascot performed with a separated shoulder.
 
Winter in New York City
 
Every one of my shows ends with a cab ride home for winning audience members. In the 22-inch snow storm of ’09 my mascot was with me in the front seat.
 

See my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, and you’ll see why my mascot is a New York Giant.



Tags: , , , , , , ,

My Golden Globes Predictions

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 13, 2012
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (1)


The Golden Globes ceremony has a lot in common with my weekly Off-Broadway show — Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer. The audience sits around tables, everyone gets a little tipsy and you never know what’s going to happen next. As an Emmy Award winner, I salute the Hollywood Foreign Press Association for one of my favorite Sunday nights of the year.
 
Golden Globe Awards
 

On January 15th, I will be glued to the television, watching the 2012 Golden Globes, for five reasons:

 
Golden Globes nominees and host
 

#1) Ricky Gervais.
No one expected him to be invited back to host the event after his scathing comments last year. Who and what will he make fun of this year? My money is on two-time nominee Ryan Gosling.
 
#2) The Ladies of the Best Actress in a Motion Picture — Musical or Comedy. Normally, Golden Globe winners Kate Winslet and Jodie Foster are better known for their dramatic work, but are nominated this year in Roman Polanski‘s dark comedy Carnage, an adaptation of the hit Broadway play. Michelle Williams is transcendent in anything she’s done post-Dawson’s Creek. Charlize Theron was heartbreakingly funny (alongside the fantastic Patton Oswalt) in Young Adult. And, Kristen Wiig may be my favorite in this category; her performance (and writing of) Bridesmaids was so hilarious I’ve started listening to Wilson Phillips again.
 
#3) Alec Baldwin. He is a comedy master. My girlfriend likens his performance as Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock to Rip Torn’s fantastic turn as Arthur in The Larry Sanders Show. She’s right. Watch and learn.
 
#4) Enlightened. I have meant to watch this show. Now, that it’s got a Golden Globe nomination for Best Television Series — Comedy or Musical — and a renewal for a second season, I must watch it.
 
#5) Rooney Mara. She helped my team, the New York Giants, win against the Atlanta Falcons last weekend. So, I’m rooting for her at the Golden Globes. And the Giants to beat the Green Bay Packers earlier in the day!



Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Traffic and Road Tips from a New York City Cabbie-Comedian

Categories: Taxi Cabs
Posted: January 12, 2012
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (0)


TAXI TIP THURSDAY:
 
Queensboro Bridge
 
Many years ago I ran out of gas on the Queensboro Bridge. I was stuck mid-bridge over the East River for four hours and was cited by 1010 WINS radio in its traffic report. While I was listening, I looked overhead and saw the news helicopter.
 
Here are some time-tested tips to avoid roadside despair and get you back in the fast lane.
 
#1) Gas up and outside Manhattan if you can (cheaper!). If you need gas in town, my choice is Chelsea Mobil on 14th street and 10th Avenue. It’s a large facility with plenty of pumps.
 
#2) Avoid highways except for really long trips.

In case of problems, streets offer a turnoff at every block. Highways may box you in for miles.
 
NYC Traffic
 
#3) Expensive water crossings are usually worth the price. The Brooklyn Battery Tunnel beats the Brooklyn Bridge almost every time.
 
#4) Avoid narrow streets in favor of wide ones. Driving a couple of blocks out of your way is a price worth paying to sidestep garbage trucks and moving vans.
 
NYC Narrow Street
 
#5) Clean your car at Broadway Hand Car Wash in Washington Heights. It’s one of the few full service Manhattan car washes that vacuum your interior.



Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Cabbie Ted Greenberg Makes His Resolutions for 2012

Categories: Taxi Cabs
Posted: December 29, 2011
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (0)


TAXI TIP THURSDAY: CABBIE RESOLUTIONS

To take a break from my role as Ted Greenberg, Off-Broadway hero, occasionally I take the wheel of a yellow cab.

Ted Greenberg celebrates 2012.

Here are my cabbie resolutions for the 2012 New Year:

GENERAL/OVERALL

Ted Greenberg's general resolutions for 2012

#1 Stay positive in traffic court.

#2 Play more top-10 radio.

#3 Get 3 stars before moving to the next level in Angry Birds.

#4 Zero hit-and-runs (except cyclists – Kidding!).

#5 Ease off Gummy candies.

#6 Avoid paparazzi – i.e, no accidents that make traffic reports (not kidding)

THIS YEAR (at least once!)

#7 While crossing 59th Street Bridge, sing 59th Street Bridge song (aka “Feeling Groovy” by Simon & Garfunkel!) .

#8 See Wicked on Broadway.

#9 Travel to Staten Island (if customer insists).

DAILY

Ted Greenberg's daily resolutions for 2012

#10 Use Shake Weights.

#11 Shave, clip nails, and deodorize only at red lights.

AS IT ARISES

Zuccotti Park in Manhattan

#12 When tourists ask for Trump Park, take them to Zuccotti Park instead.

May your ride in the new year be safe and enjoyable. And make one of your resolutions to see Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, A Mostly One-Man Comedy Show.

Any questions? I love’em.

Any resolutions? Send them along. Favorite resolution wins 2 tickets to the show.

Check back next Thursday for more taxi info and tips.



Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Ted Greenberg Reflects on His Top 5 New Year’s Eve Experiences

Categories: Latest News
Posted: December 26, 2011
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (1)


“What is the meaning of life?” is not the most pressing existential question. Any New Yorker will tell you, it is, instead, “What should I do on New Year’s Eve?” Great plans = a fabulous year ahead. Lousy plans should be avoided at all costs.
 
With less than a week to figure out how I will ring in 2012, I offer a look back at my five top previous New Year’s Eve experiences.
 
Mexico City

 

5. SOUTH OF THE BORDER SURPRISE
Earlier this decade, I celebrated the New Year in the strangest of ways — getting a traffic ticket and nearly spending a night in a Mexico City jail. The upside: the points didn’t count toward my New York license.
 
Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer in 24

 

4. RACE AGAINST THE CLOCK
Maybe now is the time to mention my man crush on Kiefer Sutherland. C’mon he’s an Emmy winner. I’m an Emmy winner. Emmy winners gotta stick together. In honor of my bond with the Kief, I rang in 2003 with a 24-hour marathon of his spell-binding TV show’s first season. Watching two-dozen episodes of “24” in one sitting was more adrenaline-pumping than any night at a New York City club.
 
Central Park at Night

 

3. MIDNIGHT RUN
I love to run. I love New York City. The New York Road Runners Midnight Run, a four-mile race in Central Park on New Year’s Eve, is a fabulous way to say goodbye to one year and hello to another. This year’s event, sponsored by Emerald Nuts, features a laser light and fireworks show as well as dancing.
 
Film Forum Marquee

 

2. DOUBLE FEATURE
Sometimes I prefer a laid back New Year’s Eve. On those occasions, I head to one of New York’s treasures — Film Forum — for a double feature. For 40+ years, Film Forum has offered independent fare. For going on four years, I have performed my throughly independent show. Fun fact, for five years (1975-80), Film Forum was located at the Vandam Theater, now known as the SoHo Playhouse where I perform Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer every Saturday night. These days, Film Forum is situated on West Houston Street only a few short blocks from its former home and my current one SoHo Playhouse.
 
Times Square on New Year's Eve

 

1. THE HEART OF IT ALL
Most New Yorkers, quite honestly, avoid Times Square on New Year’s Eve, but I highly recommend everyone spend the holiday — just once! — with the horde of freezing, drunken revelers at the crossroads of the world. Just once. There is nothing like watching the glittering ball drop live. Nothing. Side note: go when the weather is nice; sub-freezing temperatures are hard to shake off hours after you are inside.  And unlike my show, do not expect a cab ride home.
 
What are you doing for New Year’s Eve this year? I’m still figuring out my plans and taking all suggestions. Maybe we can party together?



Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Taxi Tip Thursday: Share a New York City Cab This Holiday Season

Categories: Taxi Cabs
Posted: December 22, 2011
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (0)


Ted Greenberg taxi driver

 

TAXI TIP THURSDAY: Cab Sharing

 

New York Taxi Cab
 
In my spare time as Ted Greenberg, Off-Broadway comedy delight, I drive a New York City cab. This holiday season when cabs are scarce, try sharing.  It saves money and frustration — and, the extra bodies will absorb shock in case of collision.
 
Here are some tips:
 
FINDING A FELLOW RIDER
 
If no sharing stations are in sight, scout partners on your own.  Look for signs of money; a Marc Jacobs bag, Mark Jacobs himself, or even better, Uma Thurman; avoid police officers and anyone else who might be carrying pepper spray.
 
Marc Jacobs and Uma Thurman
 
 THE APPROACH
 
If you see someone you want to ride with, be direct. Grab them by the shoulders, say, “Clear eyes, full hearts can’t lose” and “Upper West Side!” If they motion to flee, show them this blog post.

 

 BACK-SEAT RAPPORT
 
Once you hail a cab, don’t tell anyone your social security number, no matter how much you want to or how many guns they are pointing at you. If things get hairy back there, remember under the driver’s seat is usually a baseball bat.
 
Social Security Card
 
AWKWARD SMALL TALK
 
If a person is jabbering about one thing or the other, it’s ok to say, “Driver would you please pull over? “ And push them out of the car.
 
And finally:
 
PRICE NEGOTIATION
 
The best tactic is to get out at your stop, wish them a Merry Christmas, and yell “I’ll get the next one!”



Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

What 20 Million Bucks Gets You with Mr. Mascot Greenberg!

Categories: Latest News
Posted: December 21, 2011
+ POST A COMMENT
// COMMENTS (0)


The Mets are pimping Mr. Met to the tune of $20 million, as reported by the New York Times.  They’re offering schmooze time and party appearances. Maybe that’s worth 20 rock. But here’s what you’d get for that coin from my mascot, Mascot Greenberg:
 
– Round-the-clock dive cartwheels performed on hot coals.
 
– Chess lessons
 
Mascot Greenberg Chess
 
– And backstage passes to a consistently winning show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer.

 

Ted Greenberg and his mascot, Mascot Greenberg

 

Don’t fret Mr. Met, the money will “stay in the family.”
 
Mr. Met and Mascot Greenberg

 



Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Older Posts »

 

 

BUT TICKETS!




 



RSS
SUBSCRIBE TO RSS




View the trailer for Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer now.



BLOG CATEGORIES


BLOG ARCHIVES