Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer

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Comedian Rates Eli Manning on Saturday Night Live

Categories: Comedy Shows
Posted: May 7, 2012
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May 5th was a robust day in New York City. Many New Yorkers found ways to celebrate The Kentucky Derby, Cinco de Mayo and New York Giants’ two-time Super Bowl-winning quarterback Eli Manning hosting Saturday Night Live. Known for his quiet, reserved Southern charm, Manning, at first blush, doesn’t seem like the idea captain for the long-running late night comedy show. While he didn’t crack my top five all-time SNL hosts, he did receive some favorable feedback.
 
Eli Manning on Saturday Night Live
 
The reviews are in, and most critics give Eli a very good passing grade. The New York Times football blog, The Fifth Down, gave him props for giving it his all. Dan Good of the New York Post praised him for “a clean showing, solid highlights, no major fumbles.” Entertainment Weekly PopWatch Mark Snetiker raved that “the man [Eli] showed he had courage.”
 
Eli is known for his late game heroics — fourth down touchdowns and improbably leading the Giants to victory. It’s happened in both Super Bowls and throughout the 2011 – 2012 season. His SNL appearance was exactly the opposite. He started out stronger — with the monologue ranking the hosting gig as the third best night of his life and a commercial about little brothers.
 
Once he veered into the Scandinavian spoof of Chelsea Lately – ‘Helga Lately’ – the show had turned into a one-note joke. Eli gave it a game try, but asking a man known for his physical, not verbal, prowess to play along and speak ‘gibberish-sounding’ Swedish in his Southern drawl is perhaps asking too much. And for what effect? The skit just didn’t have anything funny to say. Yes, Chelsea Handler, star of Chelsea Lately, loves vodka and is very open about her sex life, particularly in her books. But, there’s not more much to work with other than Fred Armisen playing the Swedish version of Chuy, Chelsea’s small assistant.
 
And, there’s one thing I can live without seeing again: Eli in drag (see why below). Not a pretty sight, and the skit fell flat. While his cue card reading skills are not top notch and occasionally he seemed nervous, Eli, like any self respecting Giants fan would expect, gave it the old college try, and poured his heart into the episode. Unfortunately, it seems like the writers of Saturday Night Live didn’t know quite what to do with him.
 
Eli Manning in drag on Saturday Night Live



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Five Reasons the Giants Took the Packers Down

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 16, 2012
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    The New York Football Giants are on a roll. Last night, they scored a commanding 37 – 20 victory over likely League MVP Aaron Rodgers and the defending Super Bowl champions Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field.
     
    Mascot Greenberg and Eli Manning's journey
     
    Here are the top five things I take from their victory:
     
    1) You’re as good as your quarterback. Eli Manning is playing lights out football. Even his end-of-the-half ‘Hail Mary’ pass to Hakeem Nicks connected. What a phenomenal play.
     
    2) Defense wins games. Last week, the Giants defensive line did not allow a point. This week, they gave up 20, but sacked Rodgers four times. Four times.
     
    3) For the second week in a row, my Mascot and I wore Giants t-shirts while performing my show Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer on Saturday night. I believe that our team spirit brings Big Blue luck, and vow to wear these shirts until the Giants win the Super Bowl.
     
    4) Tom Coughlin knows how to win playoff games on the road. He’s thisclose to tying Tom Landry’s record for most playoff wins on the road. I predict he will tie the legendary Dallas Cowboys coach next week against the San Francisco Niners.
     
    5) It’s how you finish a season, not how you start it or how you play in the middle. From the Jets win on, the Giants have looked like a different team than just a few games before. They are confident and playing like a Super Bowl-bound team.
     
    Go Meryl Streep. No one can stop that woman.



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    10 Reasons Why the Giants Will Beat the Falcons

    Categories: Latest News
    Posted: January 6, 2012
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    On Sunday, January 8th, the New York Giants will take on the Atlanta Falcons in the first round of the NFL play-offs. The showdown will commence at 1:00 pm at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey.
     
    My Mascot and I predict a victory for the Giants. In honor of our favorite #10, Eli Manning, here are the top 10 reasons why Big Blue will win.
     
    WHY THE GIANTS WILL WIN & THE FALCONS SUCK
     
    #1 The Falcons are a pampered dome team. They are unprepared for air.
     
    #2 Victor Cruz has secret access to JLo / Jerry Rice Dancing With the Stars audition tapes.
     
    Victor Cruz, New York Giants
     
    #3 Eli Manning. Can you say 15 fourth-quarter touchdowns this season?
     
    #4 New York has Jewish ownership. Atlanta has Jewish ownership. Actually, this one is a toss up. Mazel Tov.
     
    #5 The Giants have an secret mascot. Jewish. That’s right – Mascot Greenberg!
     
    #6 Mascot Greenberg trained with Jason Pierre-Paul at the iBowl Back Flip Contest.
     

     
    #7 Freddie Falcon, the Atlanta Falcon mascot, is a crack whore.
     

    #8 The Atlanta Falcons have a cheerleading squad. The Giants have Lisbeth Salander, aka Rooney Mara, whose family has owned at least part of the franchise since its founding in 1925.
     

     
    #9 Mascot Greenberg re-enacted all plays of the 2007 Super Bowl in Modell’s varsity shop
     
    Ted Greenberg and Mascot Greenberg
     
    #10 In real life, don’t you think a giant would defeat a falcon?



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