Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer

Starring Emmy Award winning Letterman writer, Ted Greenberg!

Gearing Up for the 5th Anniversary Party

Categories: Latest News
Posted: October 10, 2013

On Saturday, October 19th, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer will celebrate its 5th Anniversary with aplomb. Great cookies from Milk & Cookies Bakery and a bubbly toast. Tickets are on sale now.
When the show started, it was 2008. Not the best years in recent memory. There was a little thing called a financial collapse that happened. The Yankees didn’t make the playoffs. A writers’ strike in Hollywood tied things up on the entertainment end. But, my show persevered. We started out at the New York International Fringe Festival and shortly thereafter moved to the historic Huron Club at the Soho Playhouse. Over 200 shows later, we’re still going strong.
And we’ve got some great Yelp, Trip Advisor and Time Out New York reviews to prove it. The show is always a rollicking good time, and I look forward to hitting the stage every Saturday night. Next week, I’ll turn the blog over to the team that helps me run the show every week, and let them talk about the last five years since many of them have been with the show for years.
And here’s to seeing you on the 19th!

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Planning the Perfect Bachelorette Party | New York Edition

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 17, 2013

Planning a perfect Bachelorette Party can be tough. And in New York City, even tougher. Do you make your night naughty or nice? Do you stay in and watch the “7 Man Candy Movies” or go to Hunkmania for a little bit of debauchery? Or blow your monthly entertainment budget on a very expensive club?
Forget all of those and make with Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer a part of your Bachelorette Party. I promise my long-running comedy show will be as entertaining at Channing Tatum in Magic Mike and a whole heck of a lot funnier. And smarter than Hunkmania. No offense fellas. This past weekend, a lovely group of young women (pictured below) were enchanted by the wild ride that is my late night comedy show. And they aren’t the only ones. Over the past four and a half years, we’ve hosted Bachelorette Parties, more than 70 birthdays and groups of all kinds. Going to a comedy show is a perfect way to spend time with friends, acquaintances and brides-to-be.
Bachelorette Party
And downtown Manhattan is a great place to be on a Saturday night. You can eat at the nearby Barrel Room at City Winery or at the David Burke Kitchen at the James Hotel, then see my show, and after laughing your butt off, dance the night away at local hotspot Greenhouse or like the ladies on Saturday night, head to the Fat Black Pussy Cat for drinks and merriment. It’s guaranteed to be a great night.

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Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer

Categories: Latest News
Posted: August 16, 2012

Comedian Ted Greenberg
As my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, heads into its fifth season Off-Broadway next month, I thought it was about time I put together a Frequently Asked Questions section — FAQ. This is for everyone who has never attended my show (you have no reason not to now!) and for those who haven’t been back to see it in a couple of years. I hope I’ve answered all of your questions. If not, drop me a line in the comments box below.
Not a chance. Drink minimums represent everything I despise: bloat, opportunism, corporate greed, gangland strong-arming, environmental predation. Don’t get me started!
There is a bar if you want a drink.
Whether you drink or not, you will leave my show intoxicated with joy and fellow feeling for humanity.
To quote one reviewer “It’s about one comedic surprise after another that I will not spoil here.” I can say this: you will walk out having seen the ultimate New York City comedy experience. No drink minimum.
Only for those who want to participate (read: scene-stealing-attention-mongering-closet divas). Audience participation is entirely voluntary. From start to finish everyone, participants and nonparticipants alike, feel honored, valued and not subjected to a drink minimum.                

I think of my audience as friends who join me for a great Saturday night party and then leave without rummaging through my medicine cabinet or vomiting on my couch.



Up to 50 and no drink minimum! Contact the show’s producer Matt Wayne at producer@thecompleteperformer.com to celebrate an event – bachelorette party, birthday or girls night out.



No. The entire cast, crew and maintenance staff observe a strict no-nudity code. Was there an episode years back? Maybe. But the show is PG-13 and that’s the way we like it.



Yes. And you may win it!



Only immediately following my show and to drive the show’s lucky winners. I am a comedian who has appeared regularly at New York City comedy clubs (even though they may have drink minimums) and an Emmy award comedy writer formerly with the David Letterman show. My hack license is for the purpose of this show alone!



If they are 16 or older, bring them. Doing so will abate their adolescent rebellion. Oh sure they’ll still ignore you and mimic you behind your back but the random episodes of car jacking and identity theft will immediately decline.



Woman of all ages love my show. And I love women of all ages. And there’s no drink minimum.



Some of Manhattan’s best! See the venue page.

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Comedian-Cabbie Ranks Top Five Comedy Bromances

Categories: Comedy Shows,Latest News
Posted: February 9, 2012

Comedy bromances have ruled the stage and screen since before the term ‘bromance’ existed. Where would pin-thin Laurel be without portly Hardy? Can you imagine pioneering TV show Laugh-In without Rowan AND Martin? Or a world without Cheech and Chong or even Bert and Ernie? Or my favorite improvisors TJ & Dave? I can’t. Just like it’s hard to fathom performing my show Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer week in and week out without my silent, dance-loving sidekick, Mascot Greenberg.
Ted Greenberg and Mascot Greenberg
In honor of Valentine’s Day and Mascot Greenberg, I rank the top five comedy bromances of all time.
5) Jason Schwartzman, Ted Danson and Zack Galifianakis on the recently canceled Brooklyn-set show Bored to Death. This three-way bromance among writer Jonathan Ames (Schwartzman), high class editor George Christopher (Ted Danson) and comic book author Ray Hueston (Galifianakis) is at first glance one of the oddest ‘couplings’ in TV history, but it works because of their magnetic chemistry and crazy hijinks. From the sixth episode of season one – ‘The Beautiful Blackmailer’ – Schwartzman, Danson and Galifianakis hit their comedic stride and never looked back. There’s nothing like using a hobby horse as a deadly weapon.

Bored to Death

4) Harold and Kumar aka John Cho and Kal Penn. With three films under their belts, Harold and Kumar are still getting into trouble and finding it hard to shake Neil Patrick Harris. It’s difficult to turn a trip to White Castle into comic gold, but Harold and Kumar did just that in the first installment ‘Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.’ They upped the ante on the stoner comedy, and the world is better for it.
Harold and Kumar
3) Penn and Teller. They are a walking pair of contradictions. Talkative Penn, at over 6’6″, towers over mute Teller, who stands at 5’9″. I’ve got a soft spot for the duo because of their love of magic and like Teller, the Mascot is a brilliant silent sidekick.
Penn and Teller
2) Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder. Richard Pryor was a comic genius, and in wild-haired Gene Wilder, he had the perfect comic foil. In ‘Silver Streak’ and ‘Stir Crazy,’ Pryor and Wilder played off of each other brilliantly. The ‘we bad’ scene from ‘Stir Crazy’ holds up more than 30 years later. Here’s a NSFW short clip. Prison has never been this much fun.

1) Paul Rudd and Jason Segel. Rudd, who has starred Off-Broadway in Neil LaBute’s acerbic plays Bash and The Shape of Things, plays more jovial characters on screen. He and Segel have each had golden moments with Seth Rogen. Rudd and Rogen were slacker cool in ’40 Year Old Virgin’ while Segel and Rogen shined in the show that kickstarted their careers, ‘Freaks and Geeks.’ As wonderful and hilarious as those moments are, nothing beats Rudd and Segel in ‘I Love You, Man,’ the ultimate bromance movie. Before his marriage, Peter Klaven (Rudd) goes on a series of man-dates in search of a best friend and best man. His instant chemistry with Sydney Fife (Segel) threatens his impending nuptials, and puts in sharp relief how important friendships are. Rudd and Segel make me want to get married again just to have a best man.
Jason Segel and Paul rudd
What’s your favorite comedy bromance?
How ’bout them Giants?

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The Complete Performer’s New York City Entertainment Guide (Birthday Edition)

Categories: Comedy Shows,Latest News
Posted: January 30, 2012

Over 80 people have celebrated their birthdays at my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, because we know how to have fun. New York offers a number of fantastic options to help you ring in your special day. Today, I count down the top five ways to celebrate your birthday in the Big Apple.
Adult birthday cake
5) Late Night View from Empire State Building. The Empire State Building is one of the most iconic skyscrapers in the world, featured in movies such as King Kong and Sleepless in Seattle. Open 365 days a year from 8:00 am until 2:00 am, the landmark offers gorgeous views of New York City, particularly at dusk and on crisp, clear nights near closing time. Go around midnight, and you will beat the crowds. And, there’s nothing like singing ‘Happy Birthday’ 86 stories up in the air.
New York Giants 3D logo
4) Cheer for the Home Team. Whether you’re a Knicks, Jets, Giants!, Mets, Yankees, Rangers, Nets or Liberty fan, grab a group of friends and head to the diamond, court or ice. And, if you’re lucky, your name will appear on the Jumbotron.
3) To Beer or Not to Beer. No matter what borough you live in, there’s a beer joint perfect for your birthday celebration. In Manhattan, the Biergarten at the Standard Hotel is extremely popular for good reason: it’s under the Highline and manages to be a lot of fun. You can also enjoy tastings at Brooklyn Brewery in Williamsburg or the Bohemian Hall Beer Garden, New York’s oldest, in Astoria. Or try Killmeyer Old Bravaria Inn on Staten Island.
2) Foods of New York Tours. Eat your way through some of the most city’s interesting neighborhoods and enjoy tastings from local shops and restaurants as well as local info from some of the savviest tour guides around. Like my show, the food tours are perfect for groups. I’m particularly fond of the The Original Greenwich Village Food and Culture Walking Tour, which features world famous Joe’s Pizza, dessert from Milk and Cookies and more; as well as the Central Village/SoHo Tour with stops at the delectable French bakery Once Upon a Tart and Italian bistro Foccaceria.
Celebrating at Ted Greenberg's The Complete Performer
1) Can 80 People Be Wrong? Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer Saturday nights at 10 pm at SoHo Playhouse. In addition to a whip fast comedy hour with a chance to win a free cab ride home or to your next location, the birthday boy or girl will enjoy a drink on the house. Here’s how to make a reservation.

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Thank Goodness for Kristin Chenoweth

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 23, 2012

As a rabid New York Giants fan, my heart stopped a few times during yesterday’s game until hero Lawrence Tynes kicked the game-winning field goal. I was proud of Big Blue’s special teams and impressed by both teams’ defense.
The most important thing, though, that I take from the game: gratitude. Performing my Off-Broadway comedy show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, every Saturday night at SoHo Playhouse is a joy. And, I’m thrilled that I’m part of a community that birthed dynamic Tony Award-winning and Emmy-winning actress Kristin Chenoweth. The Oklahoma native performed just blocks away from SoHo Playhouse in the longest running musical, The Fantasticks, at the now defunct Sullivan Street Playhouse. Yesterday, her operatic vocals packed a punch, even drowning out the San Francisco Forty-Niners fans’ boos of my beloved Giants as she beautifully sang the National Anthem.

I don’t possess Ms. Chenoweth’s powerful pipes, but that’s what makes New York the best city on earth: the diversity of performers on Off-Broadway, Broadway and beyond. When you’re in the market for a 10:00 pm Saturday night comedy show, check out my show and meet me and my Mascot.

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I Predict the Giants Do It Again

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 20, 2012

New York Giant score prediction:
Giants 24, Niners + Referees 20.

The zebras couldn’t take victory away from us in Green Bay and they won’t in San Francisco.

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Categories: Taxi Cabs
Posted: January 19, 2012

As a sometime cab driver and all-the-time Off-Broadway phenom, I kind of know everything about urban transportation. Now that livery cabs can make pickups in Manhattan, yellow taxis will need to be more flexible about services they offer.

Here are 5 ways to use a yellow cab that may not have occurred to you:
#1) MOVING TRUCK. My meter ran for 5 continuous hours moving a family from Harlem to Brooklyn. We did 3 trips in 4 hours. Try to stick to foldable items like rugs, sheets, towels, window treatments,and small children.
#2) TOUR BUS. I’ve often been commandeered for the day to point out sites. Best tour ever? A sampling of New York City’s best hot dogs. The winner? Gray’s Papaya.
#3) GETAWAY CAR. I’m not saying rob banks, but yellows will park and poise for fast retreats from in-laws or clingy house guests.
#4) MOBILE LOVE SHACK. Many summers ago I circled Central Park 5 times to provide my backseat couple a romantic tryst. I got a huge tip. But the better tip came a year later when they hailed me again – this time with the infant they conceived in my cab.
#5 PIMPMOBILE. Or like the Mascot, use a cab to woo the opposite sex – whatever that is!

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Five Reasons the Giants Took the Packers Down

Categories: Latest News
Posted: January 16, 2012

    The New York Football Giants are on a roll. Last night, they scored a commanding 37 – 20 victory over likely League MVP Aaron Rodgers and the defending Super Bowl champions Green Bay Packers at Lambeau Field.
    Mascot Greenberg and Eli Manning's journey
    Here are the top five things I take from their victory:
    1) You’re as good as your quarterback. Eli Manning is playing lights out football. Even his end-of-the-half ‘Hail Mary’ pass to Hakeem Nicks connected. What a phenomenal play.
    2) Defense wins games. Last week, the Giants defensive line did not allow a point. This week, they gave up 20, but sacked Rodgers four times. Four times.
    3) For the second week in a row, my Mascot and I wore Giants t-shirts while performing my show Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer on Saturday night. I believe that our team spirit brings Big Blue luck, and vow to wear these shirts until the Giants win the Super Bowl.
    4) Tom Coughlin knows how to win playoff games on the road. He’s thisclose to tying Tom Landry’s record for most playoff wins on the road. I predict he will tie the legendary Dallas Cowboys coach next week against the San Francisco Niners.
    5) It’s how you finish a season, not how you start it or how you play in the middle. From the Jets win on, the Giants have looked like a different team than just a few games before. They are confident and playing like a Super Bowl-bound team.
    Go Meryl Streep. No one can stop that woman.

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    My Favorite Place to Watch Giants Games: Jake’s Saloon

    Categories: Latest News
    Posted: January 9, 2012
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    Congrats to the New York Giants on their compelling victory over the Atlanta Falcons yesterday. As I predicted, Freddie Falcon’s team could not hold a candle to Jason Pierre-Paul and the Giants’ moves.
    Ted Greenberg and his Mascot Greenberg cheer for the Giants
    As a lifelong New Yorker, I always look for the best place to watch a game with friends. A sports bar that’s not quite a ‘sports bar’ in the way that my show, Ted Greenberg’s The Complete Performer, is an improv show for people who don’t like improv, a magic show for people who don’t like magic.
    Jake's Saloon in New York City
    And, I have found that perfect ‘sports bar’ in Jake’s Saloon on West 23rd in Chelsea. The bar boasts a casual, exciting, yet relaxed vibe. It’s not filled with overly aggressive football fans who yell at every mistake and spill their beer at every touchdown. Jake’s Saloon is filled with people like me, who want cheering on the Giants to be a fun, yet chill affair. So, thank you, Jake’s Saloon for being such a good host. And, thank you Giants for making my Sunday.

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